I Can’t

by Mark Ivar Myhre on March 24, 2007

.
or – “How To Argue For Your Own Limitation, And Win Every Time!”

I’ll never forget the time a doctor broke a needle off in
my shoulder as he was giving me a shot for my bursitis.

My shoulder hurt so bad I wore my arm in a sling. The
shot was supposed to help. It made things worse instead.

And I had other pains worse than the bursitis.

At the age of twenty I was almost crippled with physical
and emotional pain.

I had ‘old-people’s health problems’.

Eventually, I learned a secret way around the pain.

Here’s what I learned…

Back then, I would SAY I wanted to be successful – to
have this or that success – but I really wanted to feel
sorry for myself, or I wanted someone else to feel sorry
for me.

Or I wanted to avoid the responsibility that comes with
success, or I wanted to prove what a rotten childhood I
had, or…

The list went on and on.

Most of the time it was an outright lie.



I told myself so many lies, it became like a ship that
kept me afloat. But the ship started sinking. And me –
noble and loyal captain that I am – wouldn’t desert my
ship of lies.

I’d rather go down with the ship. I’d rather die a slow
death than tell myself the truth.

Because “I can’t”.

And how dare you suggest I can!

“I really am a victim. I can prove it.”

I buffed and polished my argument better than any politician.
I knew it inside and out. I could recite it in my sleep.

It was the last thing I took off at night and the first
thing I put on in the morning.

***

Maybe you find yourself saying –

“No, Mark, my situation really is different. My problems
really are insurmountable. I really am a victim. Even
my therapist says so.

“I’ve got an ironclad argument why I can’t. Not only do
I believe it, but I’ve also got everyone else around me
believing it as well. So I guess I really don’t have to
be responsible…”

***

Well it’s true. Some things you will NEVER be able to
do. No matter how hard I flap my arms, I can’t fly. God
knows I’ve tried. I get maybe six inches off the ground.

Once I was walking in the woods and saw a small
rattlesnake between my legs. I almost flew. Almost.

But here’s the difference:

If you say – “Come on Mark, stop lying! You could fly
if you really wanted to. You’re just trying to prove you
had a rotten childhood.”

Then I’m going to laugh at you. I don’t need a boatload
of excuses as to why I can’t fly. Because it’s true. I
can’t fly.

But if you say – “Come on Mark, stop lying! You could
become happy and successful and lose weight if you
really wanted to. You’re just trying to prove you had a
rotten childhood.”

You think I’m going to laugh at that? HELL NO!



I’ll start trying to convince you I really am a victim of
circumstances beyond my control.

But I’ll never try to convince you it’s gravity’s fault I
can’t fly.

That’s how you know if you’re lying to yourself or not.

Are you ‘forced’ to defend your limitation? That’s the
test. If you truly can’t do something – then it’s no big
deal.

But if you truly can do something – but you aren’t –
then you must righteously defend your position.

Better to argue and get mad and defend myself than to
admit I’m a liar. Because in truth I can have all
the success I want.

The “I can’t” argument becomes like a prison.

Seems the only time I even used it was for something
I longed for but didn’t have.

Not getting something that you long for creates pain.
It’s painful to not get what you want or need.

The “I can’t” becomes like the painful walls of a prison
I don’t even know exists. I don’t even realize I’ve
boxed myself in. I don’t know why it hurts.

I don’t understand; and I conclude life isn’t fair and
I’m a victim.

“I REALLY AM DAMMIT!!”

I distract myself from the core issue and focus instead
on building up my boatload of lies. Not because I’m
stupid or un-evolved; but because it’s the only thing I
know how to do.

“Yeah, it hurts, but I’m getting used to it. Besides,
doesn’t pain build character?”

Maybe you’ve concluded, as I have, the only value to pain
is to show you where you DON’T want to be!

Here’s what I learned:

WILLINGNESS ALWAYS COMES BEFORE ABILITY.

The whole argument for “I can’t” is nonsense. It’s
immaterial. It’s called a red herring. (A ‘red herring’
is a distraction from the real issue by bringing up a
different issue that holds much less (if any) value.)

I say “I can’t” but the REAL issue is, I’m not WILLING.

Can and can’t refer to ability, but ability always comes
AFTER your willingness.

When you say “I CAN’T make more money” what you
really mean is, “I’m not WILLING to make more money.”

On a more general (and more real) level, it means I’m
not willing to give up my payoff. I’m not willing to stop
feeling sorry for myself. I’m not willing to stop avoiding
responsibility. I’m not willing to stop blaming my
parents. I’m not willing to stop punishing.

The key to any achievement is to first work on your
willingness. Ability will always follow.



You’d be surprised how many doors open for you once you’re
willing. It’s like magic. I’ve seen it over and over.

So how do you become willing? You could start with –

“I’m willing to FIND my willingness. I’m willing to explore
this issue without my lies. I’m willing to find what’s
stopping me now and end it or change it so the
willingness will come. I’m willing to understand more.”

“I’m willing to look at why I’m not getting what I *say*
I want.”

“I’M WILLING TO BE WILLING.”

If that’s the stage you’re at, then I can help. Much of
my e-book “How To Create Your Own Reality” is about
finding the willingness to change.

Because I show you what’s holding you back and how
to change it.

Once you have the answers, it’s a lot easier to be willing
to change.

Maybe now is the time to take the action you’ve been
putting off.

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
Want to talk about it? Click here
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{ 1 comment }

Anonymous September 4, 2007 at 5:45 pm

Thank you so much Mark for all your amazing gifts of healing to us all. My FAVORITE is how to stopplaying the victim, it helped me more than you will ever know ( I sent you an email of thanks):)

You are truthful, and you have been through it, that makes you a better mentor and teacher

Best regards,
Leanne

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