How To Connect With A Negative Partner

by Mark Ivar Myhre on November 4, 2007

Let’s say you’re in a relationship with someone who’s got a negative attitude much of the time. What can you do?

First, understand another person can only bring you down if you let them. There is no inherent power in a ‘black hole of negativity’. They’re not a vacuum cleaner that sucks up your goodness.

Rather, it’s more like the headlines in the supermarket tabloids. It’s fascinating. In a ‘train-wreck’ sort of way.

And, unfortunately, it often distracts you from working on your own issues. Because how can you change, when you have to deal with such negative energy everyday?

It’s so easy to end up co-dependent, where you believe you can’t change until the other person changes. Many people find themselves trapped in co-dependency – stuck in a rut of a relationship, waiting for the other person to change.

That’s when it’s time to remember the old saying:

Nothing Changes Until You Do.

Truer words were never spoken. The way to deal with a negative partner is to STOP dealing with a negative partner.

I’m not saying to pack your bags… or to kick the bum out. I’m saying to stop directing you attention at the other person. Stop waiting for the frog to turn into a prince.

Instead, turn all that attention inward, and use it to improve your OWN life. Because whatever you’re experiencing on the outside, is merely a reflection of what’s happening on the inside.

There may be a battlefield between you and your negative partner. Well, I can guarantee you there’s a battlefield inside you as well. If you’ll work on healing your ‘inner battlefield’ then you will also be healing your outer battlefield at the same time.

You may even come to believe, as I do, the inner battlefield holds much greater importance than any outer one. Whatever happens inside you is real. Whatever happens outside you is a reflection of that realness.

You can literally go to the more-real inner battlefield in your imagination. And work to heal it. And watch life change, as if by magic.

The inner battlefield exists as a RESONANCE. It’s not a particular place, it’s a resonance; like love and forgiveness and anger and a million other energies exist as a resonance.

These energies exist as MORE REAL than anything you see with your two eyes. Resonance creates the world you see around you.

Change the resonance of your inner battlefield and you will absolutely change the outer battlefield. Here’s how:

Find a quiet place when you can be alone. Close your eyes and relax. Let yourself drift; letting go of the cares of the day. Begin to imagine what your inner battlefield might look life: a bloody, broken deserted place… with perhaps a few dead trees, maybe pieces of metal laying on the ground.

If you’re like me, you’ll imagine it as an actual battlefield would look. It won’t be hard to find. You may already be going there every day!

Once you’re there, start by just taking in the energy. Feel the sadness, the frustration, the anger, the fury, and all the other feelings that come up. Again, it’s not hard; you’re probably feeling it every day.

Sit with your feelings. Don’t fight them. Let the feelings in. Be like a sponge. Sop up the feelings that hang in the air. Bring them into you – feel them fully and completely. When you do, you’ll find they naturally release.

Don’t blame the other person. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame the battlefield. Just feel.

Don’t explain the feelings. Don’t think about what they mean. Don’t justify them. Don’t rationalize them. Just feel them.

You won’t be able to sop them all up in one sitting. But after a few times, you should see progress. Once you’ve ‘cleared the air’, you can then meet with your partner at your inner battlefield, and even talk to them. If you progress to this stage, you may be shocked and amazed by what they tell you.

At your inner battlefield, they will tell you the truth.

The battlefield will never completely disappear. Every human has a battlefield inside them, whether it manifests in the physical world or not. My personal battlefield was one of victimhood. I was constantly fighting to not be a victim.

Over time, I learned to stop going there. And my physical world changed enormously.

But you’ll never be able to walk away from your battlefield until you’ve retrieved the power you’ve lost there.

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