Am I Enough?

by Mark Ivar Myhre on January 10, 2008

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That used to be my unspoken question – “Am I enough?”

I say ‘unspoken’ because I didn’t dare come out and ask myself. Because the answer was an obvious “NO!”

Here’s why it’s obvious: It’s a trick question. See, it’s impossible to not be enough. That’s a state of being which never has nor never will exist. No one is not enough.

And yet, almost everyone feels like they’re not enough.

It’s always a lie to tell yourself you’re not enough. So why do it; and why believe the lie?

‘Enough-ness’ is a function of your spirit. Your spirit – different from your soul. Spirit is masculine energy, while soul is feminine energy. Together they form a whole.

It’s a constant dance – a continuous movement – between your soul and your spirit. The problem is, way too many people have experienced a crushing of their spirit… through shame and pain and childhood issues we won’t get into here.


One of the byproducts of a crushed spirit is a feeling – sometimes a strong one – that you’re not enough and/or not good enough. Sometimes it becomes a deep-seated belief. Or a series of beliefs. It becomes like a bottom line. It lies in the foundation of your existence. It hides in your unspoken assumptions.

As we reach and stretch and grow, and seek to become more, we brush up against the thoughts and feelings and beliefs that we’re not enough. So it limits our growth. It dictates our life and lifestyle.

It’s a barrier few can overcome. Most vow to not brush up against those feelings; and live their life accordingly.

“Am I Enough?”

It’s a trick question because if I even ask myself, I’ve already lost. It’s never a valid question. And yet, I put it on my negotiating table and kept it there for years.


I was so determined to find a way to become enough. So I negotiated with myself for years – begging, pleading, threatening, bargaining, ANYthing – to get myself to somehow do something so I would be enough.

Never happened. I was never able to do anything to truly feel I was enough. And that’s the first clue.

You can’t do anything to become good enough.

There is nothing to do. I sometimes thought that if I simply walked out (stormed out, really) of the negotiating room, that would somehow help. Nope. The only solution I found was to simply take the issue off the negotiating table.

There’s a big difference between leaving the room (which is basically hiding and avoiding the issue) VS. taking the entire question off the negotiating table (which requires power and strength).

To know you’re enough takes power and strength and responsibility.

Sounds difficult, but it’s not.

  • Start by consciously feeling your feelings. Honestly. Cleanly. Even the so-called ‘bad’ ones. Get real with your feelings. (Besides, by feeling all of them, you end up feeling what you want. Amazing!)
  • Second, start taking back your power from the world.

“Do you know what they just did to me?! Well, blah, blah, blah….”

Righteous indignation is a state of powerlessness. So is avoidance, blame, pity and so many other hidden agendas and payoffs. Manipulation. Control. They all take your power.

You need your power. It wouldn’t hurt to go around all day long:

“I take my power back from this person, this situation, this event…”


Usually we go around all day long giving our power away – to our fears, to our depression, to our guilt, our anger, to our bosses and spouses and friends and enemies and acquaintances… to the TV and the news reports… to anything and everything.

“Will you take my power? I don’t want it… too much responsibility…”

“If I give you my freedom, will you make me safe?”

But as you take your power back, you will become more powerful. Eventually you’ll be able to lift the whole question of ‘enough-ness’ off the negotiating table and throw it in the trash can where it belongs.

 

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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{ 1 comment }

Geert April 7, 2008 at 4:40 pm

Hello there, I ask myself this question a lot, wheter I am enough for myself, the answer is always "no". Indeed I have been searching for methods, things to do that would make me feel enough again but yet haven't been able to reach it. Fact is that the unreachable eventually made me even more sadder than I was before.. but now by reading this I understand a little more about it and will take this information at heart.

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