What Blocks Change

by Mark Ivar Myhre on March 16, 2008

Why won’t I change?

Oh, I’ll talk about change.  I’ll talk a good game. But usually, what I really mean is I want something or someone else to change while I stay the same.

“If I just had more money…”

That’s an example of wishing for some outside change which will magically transform me.  Somehow.

But it never works.   Changing anything in your life – externally – really doesn’t change you one bit.

And frankly, I’m sick of trying to prove otherwise.   I’ve tried so hard, for SO MANY YEARS, to change my environment as a way for me to change.  (Here’s my little trick to avoid change.)

You can move across the country.  You can change your physical location.  But it won’t, by itself, change anything inside.

Now sometimes making an external change will shake things up enough inside so you really do change. It can happen.  That’s what they tell addicts to do.

“Change your old physical environment to remove the triggers of your addiction.”

It’s good advice.   But it’s at least as important to simultaneously make internal changes as you’re making those external ones.

On a less dramatic level, sometimes it truly helps to remove your old anchors – your familiar physical surroundings – as a way to help the changes along.

Just don’t think a physical, external change by itself will be enough to change you.

It won’t.  It can’t.

True change comes from the inside out.

But it’s so tempting to chase money to attempt to be happy.  Or to chase a relationship to attempt to feel love.

Of course, you can be happy with money.  You can feel loved in a relationship.  Especially if you know: happiness can create money.  Love can create a relationship.  But money never creates happiness.  And relationships by themselves never create love.

“If I can just find a man – or a woman – then I’ll be happy and feel loved.”

That’s a trap. That’s a lie.

Instead, you could use the power of your love – the power of your happiness – to create the relationship you want.  Or whatever else you want.

Which may involve making some changes internally.   It may involve work.  Effort.  Focus.  Self-discovery.

Facing up to things you’d rather not face about yourself.

Seems so much simpler to go join a dating service or a singles club.  And it is simpler.   Put on some nice clothes.  Go have some fun.  Kick up your heels.  Maybe you’ll get lucky…  Maybe not.  Just don’t count on a whole lot changing.

Change comes from facing up to what you’re currently not facing up to.

Cause if you faced up to it – you’d change!

And your world would change.

Your little world – what you experience in your day to day life – will indeed change.

The more you face up to what you’re currently avoiding – the greater your life will change.

It’s called working with your shadow.   I’ve seen it in my own life time after time after time after…

The sad fact is, it’s really not hard or difficult or even that unpleasant (usually) to face up to yourself.  It might be painful or uncomfortable at first, but then it ends the pain and the discomfort.  Like removing a splinter.

Most would rather dance around – trying to avoid dealing with the splinter.  It’s a sad dance that never ends, as we keep repeating the pain of the past… while trying to avoid the pain and discomfort.  Because we don’t want to change; we want the world to change.

All to avoid facing ourselves.

When you really look at it, it seems so senseless.  But we’ve been taught and conditioned to seek change in the world rather than from within.  You’re practically ridiculed if you think changing yourself is the way to change your life and your world.

Instead, we were taught to place our trust – and give our power away to – some external authority.

“Just elect the right president; that’s how change happens.”

Do you see how society plays on your fears of facing up to yourself?   We’re so geared to look outside ourselves for change.  While giving ‘lip service’ to changing ourselves:

“Oh yeah, change yourself too.”

But who even knows what that means, or how to do it?

Change comes from becoming more of who you are, and letting go of what you’re not.

It comes from facing up to those things you hold onto that aren’t really a part of you.

First work on the inside.  Then go to the singles club.   That’s how you get lucky.


ivar March 16, 2008 at 7:16 pm

this is a test comment

Thd March 18, 2008 at 10:03 am

Mark, your article is much appreciated. I hear/read the trugh in it. I have been reading work by Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle and your work is right up there with them. Much of what you say holds the same sentiments they proclaim, only it is in words and phrases that are easily understoos. PLEASE compile these writings into a published book. Start doing circuit speaking because you have with it takes!!

Your reader and friend
DeAnne in Pennsylvania

Anonymous March 23, 2008 at 11:59 pm

Thanks for the good advice and another great article.
It makes more sense hearing it from someone who has been through
what so many of us are going through while the medical field thinks that doping us up will cure our ills.

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