okay first I assume you’ve read my post on the ‘different parts of me’ -

http://www.emotional-times.com/2009/12/i-am-bipolar-and-thats-okay.html

and yes, it’s quite common to want to hold onto the problem ( what’s NOT common is for someone to ADMIT it! – so congratulations.)

I wouldn’t worry so much about what to ‘do’ with the feeling that tells you that you’re not in alignment with what you’re saying. It sounds like a good feedback mechanism to help you determine where your willingness is (or isn’t)

so the thing to do is to find what you ARE willing to do. Am I willing to seek out this voice inside me, and get to know it better, understand it, and then TAKE MY POWER BACK from it?

see?

the thing is, to find out what you are willing to do. find out where it feels right,
in other words. where are you in alignment?

and that may be the limits of your willingness – when it’s the most productive thing you can do. When you shoot for anything more, and you don’t feel willing, then you know you’ve reached the limit of your willingness.

or, you could say, “I know I’m not willing to end this problem or blockage, but am I willing to be willing later on?”

see? find what you are willing to do – and start working there, with the goal of ultimately ending the problem.

if it were me, I’d work on identifying the source of the voice. And remember, our ego always lies to us. (The ego – by far – is usually the loudest voice we hear in our heads)

Why not personify the voice? ask it to come forth when you are in a relaxed, quiet, meditative state. get a sense of what it looks like. It may be just like you or it may look like some hideous monster, or it may be anything in between.

that way you might start to understand it better.

you can also get out paper and pen and ask it to express its opinion on the paper – while you let whatever comes out, come out.

ultimately, the goal is to take back your power from the voice

Right now I’m having difficulty with blockages that on the one hand, I really want to end, but on the other hand, I am still getting something from them and its making me unsure as to what to do. Really, part of me (as hard as it is to admit) really does like having my problem!

Questions:

1. Can you elaborate on what you mean by WILLINGNESS? And it’s limits?

For example, say that I am working on my blockages, and I am saying the aforementioned affirmations. As I am doing this, however, I notice that I don’t quite feel like I am 100% into it (not all parts of me are aligned).

When I notice that not all parts of me are agreeing with what I say, what do I then do with THAT feeling?

2. Again, what I am realizing is that part of me is actually deriving some pleasure from certain problems I am dealing with, as difficult as they are. It is almost as if payoff ratio for my problem is 50-50 pleasure-pain. And I feel like it’s at a stalemate. I guess this coincides with my first question, because if I LIKE my problem to a degree, it’s a lot harder for me to say I’m willing to face and end it.

What are your thoughts, Mark? Thanks again, I really appreciate your time.