Ask For Help

by Mark Ivar Myhre on January 9, 2010

Sometimes no matter what you do, a problem just won’t end.

Usually, it’s one you’ve been dealing with for decades.

It’s happened to me on more than one occasion.

Maybe the problem becomes a huge ugly prison with painful walls that surround me.

But – stubborn as I am – I keep whittling away at it.  And maybe I get it down to a manageable size, so I can visualize myself holding it in my hand.  In fact, often times my goal is to be able to sense it as the size of a grapefruit that I can hold in one hand.  And then…


Have you heard the story about how they catch monkeys in India?  (Or wherever monkeys grow.)

They take a big heavy bottle with a small opening at the top, and drop some candy or food into it.  The monkey sees the treat, reaches his hand in, but because he’s made a fist, he can’t get his hand out without letting go of the food.

As the story goes, the monkey just can’t seem to let go of the food, and he’s stuck. Even when he’s facing eminent danger, he can’t bring himself to open his fist so he can escape.


I don’t know if the story is true or not, but that’s how I feel sometimes. I do all this work to shrink my problem, but I just can’t take it that last little bit – to completely end it.

So the problem will be just as present in my life as if I’d done nothing at all to heal it.  THAT’S FRUSTRATING.

I just can’t let it go. It’s like that grapefruit has grown into my hand.  They have merged into one.

(“Ah yes… sensing the oneness of it all,” he said sarcastically.)

Why I can’t seem to let the problem go:

  • Maybe the problem has become too much of my identity.  If I let it go, then who will I be?
  • Or maybe I’m getting too much of my value from it.  I derive meaning and significance in my life from the constant struggle – going back and forth – playing tug of war with my problem.  And I NEED value!
  • Or perhaps I still have some hidden payoff.  Like a thief hiding in the bushes.  I secretly want to avoid being powerful or responsible or intimate with myself…

or it could be any number of other covert reasons.

Anyway, when I’m sensing the oneness of it all (sarcastically speaking) that’s when I have to turn to my ace in the hole.

Oh, I don’t WANT to – not at all.  But I didn’t come into this life to be thwarted by ANY problem.

And that’s when I have to pull out my ace.

It’s my last resort.  When I’m stuck and I can’t go any further, no matter what I do.

That’s when I turn to a Higher Power.

Because when it comes right down to it,  I’m really just one ant in an anthill.  The problem I obsess over – the one that seems so big and important and so PRESENT in my life… well, in the grand scheme of things…

I matter. I know that.  And I can always ask for help.  I know that too.  But it always seems to be a last resort.  When nothing else works.

I guess it’s that stubbornness – I ‘have’ to solve my own problems.

“I don’t need any help!”

What a joke.  But the joke’s on me.  Sometimes it’s stupid to not ask for help.  If I’ve worked so hard to get my problem down to size, and it will shrink no further, and it’s still a problem no matter what I do…

wouldn’t it be dumb to NOT ask a Higher Power for help?

It’s like a little kid refusing to receive a beautiful shiny new bicycle for Christmas.

Honestly, I’ve been that stupid before.  All I can do now is look back and shake my head.

And say, “What was I THINKING??”

Ah, but that’s what forgiveness is for.  So I can learn from my stupidity, and hopefully not keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.

There’s a lot of hidden dynamics to a problem that won’t seem to end.

Sometimes you’ll never know all the little details – and how they fit together to frustrate you.  And thwart your best efforts.

Fortunately, there’s always that ace in the hole.  That dirty grapefruit I’ve been holding – the one that’s merged with the palm of my hand – I can ask for help to release it.

Sometimes a miracle happens. And it truly is lifted and it ends; either in an instant, or in a few days.

Other times I guess I’m just not really ready to let it go.  So I go back to work, processing and programming and trying again.  Maybe there’s some hidden treasure locked up in the problem.

But I NEVER say –

  • This is what I deserve.
  • This is my lot in life.
  • I’m destined to suffer this problem till the day I die.

Because I know that’s always coming from my ego, or some other ‘lesser’ part of me that does NOT have my best interest at heart.

Even if I was born with this problem, it is never my destiny to suffer or struggle. It’s never what I ‘deserve’.  Quite the opposite.  If the problem came in with me at birth, all the more reason why I came here to END it.

Or at the very least, MAKE MY PEACE WITH IT.

And all the more reason to ask for help.

Especially from a Higher Power.

And if I ask for the problem to be lifted, and if nothing happens, then I always come back with asking for the UNDERSTANDING of the problem.

In fact, I find myself asking for understanding more than anything else.  Because I’m usually even more willing to understand  than I am to actually end the problem.

So determine what you’re willing to have – and ask for that. Ask for what you’re willing to have.

That’s what I do.  That’s my ace in the hole.


Sara January 13, 2010 at 4:15 pm

How are you???
I just need a little help with an issue thats been hanging around a long time.Think its sorted & it crops up again….
I having bad dreams,This guy I am living with is acting psycho again!!He Has mood swings all day!!!Highs & Lows!!Then blames me,you know if I didnt do this or say that type of stuff!!!
I have started to have bad dreams,

His ex girlfriend has popped up again causing havoc, tells his daughter, all the reasons she doesnt like me!! Yet to my face she is smiley,asks me how I am…

I have been with this guy 8yrs,she was only with him 6mnths, twice..

She & he cheated on me behind my back for 6mnths,2yrs ago..& she doesnt like me!!!

why does she turn up 2 yrs later all the time,why does she want him so bad,
yet in the past she said he “forced” her into a relationship..

this woman lives 3 houses down the back..
she is like a demon..
when I first met him he said he was over her wanted nothing to do with her..she was this & that…

now he talks so nicely about her & gives her his big smiley face ,I see his arse..

he says he dioesnt love her,yet he was playing Ce lion Deon this morning you know the sickly ones..
I know she is seeing a shrink,but what the???
it all seems like a nightmare,I did have a peaceful life before I met him.

I feel sometimes like I am losing the plot!!!

Then it settles down again……………..
Thank You..
Blessings of Love & Peace..

ivar January 19, 2010 at 8:12 am

Hi Sara,

you mentioned you needed a ‘little’ help, so here it is –

you’re in the middle of a melodrama, right?

you’re stuck in the middle of a bad story

what would you do if you were watching a REALLY bad movie, one that just
made you sick to your stomach?

and you were in the middle of it, and you knew it was going to go on and on?
seemingly forever, with no end in sight….

I know what I’d do.

but let’s assume there’s too much codependency to leave.

the first thing is to take your power back from this situation.

then, you need to look at YOUR contribution to all this.

cause if you’re an innocent victim, and you didn’t make any contribution
that you can see, then you’ll most likely stay a victim.

now, I am NOT saying to BLAME yourself for ANYTHING!!!!

that’s NOT taking responsibility.

I would start by getting out pen and paper and getting my feelings out on
paper – write and write and write

and then write some more.

that might help you to see the big picture here

and I’m going to tell you a secret about men.

they lie.

look at what they DO more than what they SAY

and start taking your power back!

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