Judgments Are Powerful

by Mark Ivar Myhre on November 17, 2010

Well this is interesting.  In my last post, on ‘Horrible Misfortune’, I mentioned how I’ve heard from most of my friends and relatives who’d passed over to the other side.

http://www.emotional-times.com/2010/11/horrible-misfortune.html

The two exceptions?

My mother’s mother and my mother’s brother both passed away years ago, and I never heard from either of them after they died.

I could never figure that out.

My grandmother was a deacon in the Methodist Church in Florida.  The first woman to hold that position, if I’m not mistaken.  The church was her life.  I really thought I would’ve had some sort of communication with her after she died.  Same with my uncle.



Another thing I mentioned in that last post: someone I loved very dearly died due to my stupidity.  Maybe stupidity isn’t the right word.  For many years I was a psychotic monster, living without remorse.  Where my heart should have been, instead there existed a black hole of pain.  This was in my early 20’s.

Once I learned about forgiveness – at the age of 40 – I finally decided to look back on my earlier years as a young grown-up.

Since I had this brand new shiny tool of forgiveness, and I knew it was going to change my life (if not save it) – I knew it was time to look back and face up to the way I was in my 20’s.  And I saw a monster.

It shocked me.  It horrified me to look back at myself.  And I judged myself rather harshly.  Was I really a monster?  Hard to say.  I know I had no compunction against trying to find someone else to take my pain.

I did the best I could to forgive myself for the way I was.  It wasn’t until I wrote that last article that I realized I had only partially forgiven myself.

Why?

Because all this time, I was still JUDGING myself as this monster.

Judgments freeze.  They freeze the energy – the thoughts and feelings, the memories, the events…

So you can only forgive yourself to a certain extent.  You can’t fully forgive yourself when judgments get in the way.

“I forgive myself for being a horrible monster” doesn’t really work.  Because the judgment of being a ‘horrible monster’ is like a locked door.  The judgment (any judgment) prevents you from accessing the energy which needs to be accessed if you want to forgive.

Judgments are like the door to the vault.  When you judge, you can’t access the treasures.  Because you’ve locked the door.

Now, of course, judgments are designed to block the painful feelings.  Judgments keep you from feeling pain.  In theory.

But here’s what happens:

The pain seeps under the door.  You end up feeling the pain anyway.  The value, however, stays locked away.  So you end up with the worst of both worlds.

1. You stay separated from your power (which causes pain all by itself) AND…

2. You still end up feeling the painful emotions you tried to block by judging.

See, your thoughts and feelings have value and power. Even the so-called ‘bad’ emotions contain value and power.  Especially the INTENSE thoughts and feelings.  The greater the intensity, the greater the power.



Unfortunately, we’ve been strongly conditioned to NOT get intense.  And there’s no better way to block intensity than to judge it.  Lock it in the vault and throw away the key.

“I’m always so tired… I’m always so confused and scared…  I feel so powerless…”

Yeah, because my power has been locked up behind the wall of my judgments.

And that’s the situation I found myself in.

I CAN forgive myself for being in pain, and wanting to pass that pain onto someone else.  That’s real.  That’s what actually happened.

But I can’t forgive myself for being a ‘horrible monster’.  Because there’s no way to gather the substance when I’m judging myself in this manner.  And I had been judging myself for thirty years. I didn’t even realize it until after I wrote my last article.

Once I did realize it, it became a simple matter of dropping the judgment and going to the facts behind it.  I looked at what really did happen:  I was in pain, and I tried to pass that pain along to others.  Now THERE’S something I can wrap my hands around.  And forgive.

Too bad it was accompanied by several hours of intense crying.  I got so light-headed I almost thought I would pass out!

But every thunderstorm ends. And then the atmosphere is filled with negative ions. You can smell the freshness in the air!  Plus, it raises my resonance and returns my power and relieves my burdens and does a few other things as well.  All good.

And it all started because I was willing to let go of the judgments I had about myself as a young grownup.

Here’s the kicker:

After my little adventure of crying and forgiving, my grandmother did come to me.  That’s when I realized why I’d never heard from her before now.  My own judgments kept her away!  She couldn’t make it through to contact me because I’d judged myself so harshly.  I judged myself as being cruel to her, and to my uncle.  (Which I was to a certain extent.)

Out of respect for me, they never tried to pierce my judgments.  Until I dropped those judgments.

Finally, she could come to me.

More tears.

Such a powerful, unconditional love she has.

Being able to feel her and her love, is just one of the perks of dropping the judgments and forgiving myself.  She told me Uncle David was here too, but I could only handle so much at that point.



Plus, as I kept telling myself, the football game is starting in a few hours.  Uncle David will have to wait.

“Pull it together, Mark!  You gotta go watch the game.”

What a dichotomy.  Powerful healing event that will change the very direction of my life VS. a college football game.

Well wouldn’t you know it?  The Gators lost again.

At least I got to be a winner.

What about you?  What judgments have you been toting around – maybe for decades – that keep you from forgiving yourself, and thus becoming a winner?

Who knows what kinds of treasures await…

http://www.forgive-yourself.com

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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{ 3 comments }

karen November 17, 2010 at 8:39 am

very informative Mark. once again thanks for shareing with the rest of the human race. it’s very real help. God bless you.

Helen November 17, 2010 at 4:42 pm

You reveal the beauty of your character through service to others and an assurance of very real healing and love – in all it’s dazzling Glory!
Thank you
God bless you

Martty November 17, 2010 at 7:51 pm

I’m very happy for you…Grandma and Uncle David…Not so much so for the Gators.

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