What Causes Misery

by Mark Ivar Myhre on November 28, 2010

Regarding the ego, here’s  a question I recently got-

“I’ve just purchased the Ego pack, and I like it.  Having listened to it my mind is already throwing up all sorts of obstacles.  How do I know when it’s me, and when is it my ego talking
?  Is it my ego that says, ‘what’s the point?’ while it’s my conscious mind that answers that question?

“I’m a little confused – and would really appreciate any clarification you
might be able/willing to offer.”

Boy, do I know the feeling of wondering if it’s my ego or me talking!

As you work with the audios, you’ll start getting a pretty good idea.  But in the meantime…

To answer your question – I would guess you are right.  It does sound like the ego who would say “There’s no point” while it would be your conscious mind which rebuts it.

Let me also say that just the idea of being obsessed with ‘is this me or my ego’ – that question in itself is often a trick of the ego!  Now, that can be a discouraging statement, or a liberating one.

It all depends on which yardstick you’re using to measure yourself.

You can easily get lost in wondering ‘is this me or my ego’ – that’s one measuring stick.

The other measuring stick – how happy, how loving, how much fun and excitement am I having in my life?

Since most people really aren’t very happy, loving, etc – that second question becomes quite confrontational, and painful to look at.

It’s much less confrontational to use the first measuring stick rather than the second one.  Here’s the problem with that first one:

You can get lost in a maze. You end up wandering and wondering – going down dark passageways and hitting dead ends.  Going this way – that way – always searching but never really finding or figuring out the answer.  Because how do you really KNOW if it’s you or your ego talking?

Here’s how:

If you live a happy, loving and fulfilling life – then it’s YOU in charge of your life, and NOT your ego.

That’s it.

That’s how you know.

“Wait a minute, Mark!  Only one in a million people are living that wonderful life!!”

And I would say, “Exactly my point.”

“So you’re saying EVERYONE has a problem with ego?”

Almost everyone.  Some people have a BIG problem, and others have a little problem, but yes, it’s a problem nonetheless.

The size of your problem with ego relates directly to the degree of misery in your life.

Let me back up here for one minute and say, ego itself is not the problem.  A WEAK and NEGATIVE ego is the problem.

You NEED an ego to survive in this world.
It’s a part of you – and always will be.  You would die without your ego.  But if your ego is weak (and thus negative) then you will be in misery.

If your ego is strong and positive – then you will most likely be happy and filled with love and all the other good things life has to offer. Or at least you’re headed in that direction.

Now, a strong ego is NOT an ego that tells you how wonderful you are.  That’s a WEAK ego!

A strong ego does its job.  Period.  A strong ego delivers information to you.  It delivers just the facts.  A weak ego only delivers some of the facts, and it taints that incomplete information with all kind of commentaries.

A prime example of this would be the fear stories that so many people suffer from.  And actually, almost any kind of story that makes you mad or sad or scared or filled with pity comes from the ego.

Also, the stories about YOU.  How you’re ‘no good, worthless, and don’t deserve’.  All that nonsense comes usually from the ego.  Or rather, it comes from a weak and negative ego.

If you had a positive ego, you wouldn’t be getting all those stories.  Your life would automatically improve, without doing anything else.  Healing your ego compares to healing YOU.

Getting back to the point:

If you wonder whether or not you have a problem with ego, you can just look at your life.  The weak ego will immediately tell you this is all nonsense, or perhaps it will say everyone is miserable, or perhaps it will say you can never be fixed.  Whatever.  It will do everything it can to distract you from EVALUATING your life.  Or evaluating anything, for that matter. That’s one of the tricks of a weak and negative ego.

Your goal (assuming you want to live a rich and fulfilling life) is to learn all you can about your ego.  And at first, it might be confusing.  As that question above illustrates.

And that’s a good sign you’re on the right track!  The person who’s never confused is a person lost in ego.

Not that you want to STAY confused…!

The more you work with your ego, the easier it is to discern its voice from yours.

If you jump into a pond, all the silt on the bottom will be stirred up, and will cloud the water.  And that’s okay.  It’s normal.

If you’re confused, that just means you’re stirring up what’s already inside of you anyway.  Better to be temporarily confused than to always think you’re right.

Keep in mind there’s nothing wrong with asking the question – “Is this me or my ego talking?”

Just don’t get LOST in the question!  Meaning, don’t take it too far.  Don’t go too far down that path.  How do you do that?

By bringing in your FEELINGS to add to your thoughts.  If you think too long without feeling, you will get lost in a maze.

Ironically, the very ego stories themselves keep you from feeling your true feelings.  You end up feeling the stories, which are always painful in some way.

The more you can drop the ego stories, the easier it becomes to feel your true feelings.  Remember, an ego story is an INTERPRETATION – and NOT a fact.

Stories put you into the painful maze.  You end up lost and alone.  The answer is to learn all you can about your ego, and then put that information into practice.  I show you how to do so in the program on healing your ego.

Among many other things, it shows you how to take your power back from your ego.

For more information, just go to –


As you work with the three audio files, you’ll begin to distinguish your own thoughts from the thoughts of your ego.  You’ll learn to recognize the voice of ego.  You’ll learn its games.  And you’ll also learn how to STOP those games!


Remember, healing your ego is healing yourself.

It’s essential for a happy life.


Amanda November 29, 2010 at 7:20 am

This morning I was listening to a very short radio talk and it mentioned this which really hit me as something I needed to pay attention to

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: [10] “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. [11] The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men — robbers, evildoers, adulterers — or even like this tax collector. [12] I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

[13] “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

[14] “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

I have heard this many times but today i felt there was something else for me to learn but I didn’t know what it was until I read your blog Mark and this in particular

“Now, a strong ego is NOT an ego that tells you how wonderful you are. That’s a WEAK ego!”

and this

Your goal (assuming you want to live a rich and fulfilling life) is to learn all you can about your ego. And at first, it might be confusing. As that question above illustrates.

“And that’s a good sign you’re on the right track! The person who’s never confused is a person lost in ego.”

Thank you for enlightening me and everyone else who reads it.

Kind Regards


Helen November 29, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Thank you Mark – I would like to say –

From Self to God
The Eternal God is thy refuge. – Deut.xxxiii.27.

A Place to flee to, a sanctuary. An escape from misunderstanding from yourself. You can get away from others into the quiet of your own being, but from yourself, from the sense of your failure, your weakness, your sins and shortcomings, whither can you flee?

To the Eternal God your refuge. Till in His Immensity you forget your smallness, meanness, limitations.

Till the relief of safety merges into Joy of appreciation of your refuge, and you absorb the Divine, and absorbing gain strength to conquer.

kevin blumer December 2, 2010 at 8:11 pm

what causes missery in my world loads relationships defnitly scores 1st but im working on it on saying that not being in a relationship causes misserry to me cant win dammed if you do dammed if you dont

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