Healing Relationships Update

by Mark Ivar Myhre on December 8, 2010

Well, it’s been a few days since I first engaged the part of me who blocked me from having rich and full relationships.  Let’s see what’s happened.

As far as I can tell, the earth is still rotating on its axis and revolving in an orderly fashion around the sun.  And it’s still cold and wet and miserable in Portland.  Great weather if you’re a duck or a duck hunter.  Of which I am neither.  So I’ll continue to suffer – but I’m not going to be silent about it.  I’ll be complaining all winter.

Anyway, what changes have taken place?

And keep in mind, you’re talking to a guy who never had one date in high school. I’ve had serious relationship issues my whole life.  Always a loner; even when I was around other people I usually felt alone.  After high school, I started getting panic attacks from the extreme loneliness.  So that’s where I’m coming from.

So where am I at now?  Physically, not much has changed.  I’m still hunkered down working on secret projects that will burst onto the scene soon enough.  You’ll see.  No, the big change so far has been inside.

I’m so much more relaxed and at ease. I no longer have an elusive sense of angst – that was always in the background, like a silent sentinel.  A silent sentinel that never had to say a word; it just stood there.  Reminding me that I’m all alone.  No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter what I think; I’m still all alone.

That silent voice has just vanished. In its place I’m starting to feel a sense of knowing – a sense of belonging – a sense that I no longer have to worry or think about the fact that I’m all by myself in this great big scary world.

I feel at peace with the whole concept of me fitting in with the world.  I know I’m okay.  And I know my relationships will indeed blossom and start to grow richer and fuller.  There’s not the slightest doubt.

And there’s a certain energy of ‘fitting in’ with people and the world.  I belong to the human race.  I’m a functioning member of society.  I fit in. And the world just seems a tad safer for some reason.  We’re all in this together, even though many people believe otherwise.  I actually feel more at home on this planet.

Also, the most important relationship of all has been enhanced. And which one might that be?  Glad you asked.  Hold on while I climb up on this box of soap so everyone in the back can hear me.

I’m talking about the relationship I have with myself.

“Oh yeah… that one… If no one in the world will love me, then at least I can love myself.  Sigh.”

It’s funny how most people see that relationship as having no meaning or mattering whatsoever.  But it’s no surprise.  Because we’ve been taught and conditioned since early childhood to not be selfish.

“Think about others.  Stop thinking about yourself.”

It’s hard to really get a grasp on just how strongly we’ve been brainwashed into thinking we don’t deserve to be our own best friend. Because we’re ‘not good enough’; we’re not worthy.   Besides, that’s being selfish.  And you don’t want anyone to think you’re selfish!

Plus, you’re always supposed to look outside yourself – for EVERYthing.

Where’s love?

Somewhere out in the world.

Where’s happiness?

Somewhere out in the world.

Where’s enlightenment?

Somewhere out in…

Everything you want and need in this world is outside yourself; if you believe what you’ve been taught.  What a sad, sad, commentary on humanity.  No wonder we’re in such crisis and chaos.  No wonder we’re depressed.  No wonder we have panic attacks.

The answer is always somewhere ‘out there’.

Well, in some small way, I changed that just a little bit.  And hey – I know it’s all a lie, and I still can fall for the allure that the answer to my problems is somewhere out in the world.

That changed just a little bit.  I feel just a little bit better about myself.  I have just a little bit more confidence in myself.  Maybe I’m 2% more confident.

But you see, that’s only the little picture.  What’s really happened is that I’ve changed direction, ever so slightly.  And as time goes on, even if I do nothing else, that 2% will slowly grow.  Because I’ve changed the direction of my life.

I’ve leveraged time. Now, time works for me.  Each day I can become just a little more confident and a little more at ease with myself.  The confidence will grow on its own.

I have removed an obstacle that not only blocked external relationships, but also the internal relationship I have with myself.  That’s the most important one of all; because when it comes down to it, you’re all you’ve got.

So many people are afraid of the relationship they have with themselves.  Shame and pain and fear will do that to you.  But I am NOT going to die and then look back on my life and realize I was such a coward I couldn’t even get to know myself.  That ain’t happenin’!!

I feel very fortunate because somehow, somewhere, sometime over the years I’ve come to the conclusion that knowing myself and loving myself and accepting myself for all my foibles is the most important thing I could possibly do in the whole world. Because it allows my spirituality to blossom.   As I constantly unfold, I get to experience the greater and greater wonder of my connection to my Creator.

First I strengthen my relationship with myself.  Then I can forge and strengthen my relationship with Divine Energy; with God.  And then, finally, I get to create any kind of worldly relationships I want.  It’s up to me.

And if I can change the very trajectory of my relationship energy just by sitting down for twenty minutes and doing a simple meditation, well, I’m tickled pink about that!

But that’s just me….

I don’t know what will happen to you when you sit down to do this meditation.  But the way I see it, a 2% change in direction is pretty darn good.  Because over time I can end up in a much better place than I otherwise would have.

You can still grab this meditation for only $12. If you think it might help you, then click on the link below to order your copy.  But hey, it’s not like the fate of the free world is at stake here.  Only the fate of your world.



Helen December 9, 2010 at 1:07 am

Hi Mark –
Thank you – this is the second time this week I have received the message ‘we are all in this together’. Great minds think alike! Someone once said something to me like – ‘don’t judge the messenger – listen to the message!’. And this article is a good message – I particularly relate to your revelations of being a loner. I was recently asked by someone a question something like – ‘Do you have any friends? Who do you talk to?’. The question caught me by surprise at the time, and my immediate response was ‘no I don’t – I guess I would describe myself as a bit of a loner – I’ve always been that way’. These words are demanding my attention! Never mind my resentment towards the messenger!

‘Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.’
George Bernard Shaw

God bless you

Lachlan December 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Good one Mark! about a year ago I discovered, like you that love is an actual energy within me, and even better, that I could experience it directly by expressing it! I had always believed that love had to be given my another fro me to experience it, but that false belief made many of my interactions secretly manipulative as I “tried” to get some love. Of course, it never worked and I almost gave up. That discovery was like a light going on in my life! the love I so wanted had been with me all along, waiting to be expressed, and as I expressed it, including being loving to myself, I experienced it. Now I know, by direct experience, that I can feel love in an instant, simply by expressing it! it’s like winning the Life Lottery, and finding the prize was mine already.
The latest thing I have found is that the experience is increased ten-fold if my loving actions are in secret – if no-one knows it was me who added value or kindness to anothers life, it feels wonderful (and totally removes any chance of the old me hoping to a pat on the back, one of the strings I often attached to my acts of kindness – a bit pathetic, I know, but I didn’t know any better) I was recently speaking to a friend about this and he taold me he tried to give love in secret by washing his daughter’s car while she was away; he didn’t say mothing and the daughter seemed not to notice. eventually it got tyhe better of him and the old ego asked “did you see I washed your car?” hoping for a word of appreciation. His daughter gave a perfect reply;” yes, I wondered why you didn’t wash the wheels!” opps! a message from his Spirit – My friend, you know that doesn’t work, so cut it out!

Have a great Christmas, Mark.

Heather February 7, 2011 at 1:44 pm

What a wonderful post, Mark.
Reminded me of a text convo I had w/ my daughter. She had done something embarrassing and was getting teased by her dad’s family for it. She said something along the lines of her being a “looser”. I reprimanded her, ” you wouldn’t say that to your best friend so don’t say that to yourself!”

Since then there have been a couple times I’ve heard the same words repeated back to me through my higher Self.

I was used to hearing my mothers voice in my head but to hear my own was kind of funny. This post found me on a trying day, where a series of unfortunate events has me ‘beating myself up’. I find myself talking a little sweeter, being a little nicer, now.
Thanks for sending this out today!

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