Ending Self Punishment

by Mark Ivar Myhre on April 10, 2011

I wrote a book last year when I was up in Portland called Ending Self Punishment.  Maybe you’ve heard of it.  You can read it here, if you wish –


But today I want to talk about the bottom line to self punishment.  Because we can’t afford to keep punishing ourselves.  Life is too short.  It’s too important.  You and I both don’t have the time or the luxury to keep putting ourselves down and to keep putting  ourselves in a little box.

As I’ll explain in minute, it’s critical that we stop any self punishment as soon as possible.

Why do we punish ourselves?

Well, fear is always in the mix, isn’t it?  We know self punishment so well that its become a ‘safe little place’ to hide.  Even if we don’t recognize how we punish ourselves, we certainly have well-defined patterns of behavior that end up resulting in pain.  Pain that we inflict on ourselves.

And from what I’ve been able to see, we’d rather endure great pain than to feel the short, relatively uncomfortable fear of change.  In a choice between fear and pain, pain wins out every time.  Meaning, we’ll opt to feel pain rather than to face our fears.  Usually, it takes a huge amount of pain to motivate us to feel a tiny bit of fear.

And I’m not talking about feeling imaginary fears.  That’s mostly pain disguised as fear.  Imaginary fears are painful.  But there’s very little fear in them.  If you’ll just separate the feelings of fear from the stories of fear, then you can quickly and easily feel the fear itself, and release it.  I don’t want to belabor the point since I’ve written about it so much before.

But I will say this:  I’ve been paralyzed with fear most of my life.  So when I talk about it, believe me, it’s not theory!  I’ve lived it.  I still feel fear.  But now, it doesn’t stick.  I feel it, and then I release it.  Which raises my resonance.  So now I love it when fear comes up.  Because I know it’s an opportunity to grow.

How did I get to this point?  You can find out more by checking out these pages:




It truly is a shame that so many people (including myself!) have let fear stop them from living the life they truly deserve and desire.  ‘Living the dream’ is what I call it.  Living the good life.

It’s painful to not live a good life. We all know that.  But so many have given up; they’ve stopped searching and stretching and even trying.  They’ve learned to live with mediocrity.  They’ve lowered their standards.  Getting by has become good enough.  I know that feeling all too well myself.

See, if you’re not living the life you love; the life of your dreams; then self punishment is at play.   And if I were a good little marketer, this is the point where I’d say it’s not your fault.  I’d blame some outside force.  You know; create a common enemy that would push your buttons and help to create a bond with me.

But let’s be honest here.  It’s not about blame.  That’s part of the self punishment!  Doesn’t matter if you’re blaming yourself, or some ‘outside authority’.  Blame is punishment.

Instead, it’s about responsibility.  And again, if I were a good little marketer, I would never, ever mention the word ‘responsibility’.  Because it turns people off.  Their eyes glaze over and they stop reading.  Because they bought into the lie and they believe that lie with every fiber of their being:

“Responsibility is painful.  Avoid it at all costs.  Don’t even look at your beliefs about responsibility.  It’s too painful.”

Ironically, pain comes from avoiding responsibility, not from embracing it.  What is pain, exactly?  As I’ve mentioned before, in this article on ending pain, pain comes from a longing for, and a separation from, some thing.  And why would you be longing for something you’re separate from?

Because there’s something you’re not taking responsibility for.  Maybe it’s fear.  Or any number of unrecognized or unacknowledged emotions.  Maybe it’s a payoff… such as  manipulation or control.  Maybe it’s something else.  Maybe you’re functioning as a child or adolescent or maybe your ego is running the show.  It could be any number of things.

Somewhere in the pain, however, you’ll always find unclaimed responsibility.

What is responsibility, exactly?

To say it as succinctly as possible, responsibility is spontaneously generating your heart’s desire.

As a good little marketer, (I’ll quit saying that now) I should never try to convince you of anything; especially something as crazy as the fact that responsibility is the greatest joy you’ll ever experience in your life.  And beyond your heart’s greatest joy, it’s also a categorical imperative that you accept as much responsibility into your life as possible.

Instead, I should just validate your current beliefs and manipulate you into buying my push button solution.  But I’m on a crusade to change the world; one reader at a time.

Besides, as I mentioned, it’s vitally important for you to embrace as much responsibility as you can.  Why do I say that?  Because the world is changing.  An energy of raw power is flowing into our world. Right now, it’s just flowing through the cracks and crevices.  This is the calm before the storm.  Soon, it will be overwhelming.  That’s what I see coming.

One of the consequences of this energy is that your thoughts and feelings are going to be amplified. So if you’re depressed now, it will get worse.  It you’re consumed with anger now, it will soon be off the charts.  If you’re dealing with a lot of fear now, soon it will be eating you alive.

Whatever you feel is going to be much more intense. And the natural reaction is to try to control the feelings, and to tell yourself even more stories about those feelings.  But  doing so will create much more pain.  Which will make people want to control even more, and to tell themselves even more stories about why they feel lonely or sad or depressed or whatever.

Am I saying I have the answer?  Yes.  It’s easy, really.  Just feel your feelings cleanly – without trying to control them, or telling yourself stories about them.  That’s how you be responsible for what you feel.  Consume your feelings like chocolate pudding.  Seek ’em out and lap ’em up like a hungry puppy attacking a bowl of ice cream.

That’s where responsibility can start.  Just feel your feelings cleanly.  What an elegant solution!

And think new thoughts, of course.  Be clear with your thinking.  I don’t ever mean to elevate feelings above thoughts.  Thoughts are just as important as feelings.

Be responsible for what you think and be responsible for what you feel.  Do that, and you’ll be laying a foundation which will help you enormously in the times to come.

You’ll be clearing out your emotional wellspring.  So you’ll be loose and limber; you’ll be fluid and flexible.  You’ll lighten up.  Life won’t be so heavy.  You’ll be primed and ready (as ready as you can be) for the flood of new energy that’s coming.  It’s going to be a wild ride for the next few years. Or so I believe…

Now, to take it to the extra step.

I’ve prepared three meditations that can help you.

First, a meditation to help heal the false responsibility.  See, we’ve all been intensely programmed to believe responsibility is something to be avoided at all costs.  And that’s so sad, because we miss out on helping our heart to sing.  This first meditation can help you heal that errant programming.

Second, a meditation to find and release the first self punishment.  Why is this important?  Because it’s at the base – it’s the root – of all subsequent self punishment.  When you go back and heal this childhood experience, you’ll find it’s so much easier to stop punishing yourself now.  Because you’re cutting the ties with the anchor of self punishment.

Third, a meditation to help you more fully understand your particular pattern of self punishment.  You see, your pattern of how you punish yourself may be so ingrained that it’s invisible to you.  You’re too close to it to see it clearly.  This meditation helps you gain perspective.

If this sounds like something that could help, then you can order all three meditations as a package for about $20 by clicking the link below.  That’s less than seven dollars each.


I can say from personal experience that the feeling of responsibility is like no other feeling on earth.  It’s kind of like a mixture of love and freedom and forgiveness and excitement and peace and beauty all mixed up together.

And keep in mind, your heart craves this experience of true responsibility.  This first meditation can help get you there.  And ending self punishment?  That’s priceless also.

If you want a little more info before ordering, then go to this page.

But whether you order this set of three meditations or not, don’t forget to work on opening up your emotional wellspring.  You do that by opening up your heart as full and wide as possible and letting yourself cleanly feel whatever comes up.

Feel so you can heal.

That’s what I say.  What do you think?


Karah Fisher Madrone April 10, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I appreciate your site and the frequent messages. Meets where I am right now, learning new ways to experience my emotions. I’ve been an avid journaler for going on two decades, yet I’ve learned a lot from your descriptions of “juicing” emotions in writing process. Keep the good stuff coming! I’m eager to learn how to dance fear through and return to the state of love and well being that I sense is our “natural” state. I’d love to see posts on discerning the difference between plain old fear and genuine intuition/red flags/internal wisdom. I’ve done plenty of trying to “overcome fear” that was actually a wise “no.”

J. April 10, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Your article on self punishment has caught my attention. Thank you Mark.

damo April 11, 2011 at 5:48 am

good and encouraging messages,

Marla October 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom via your ebook. It has helped me so much. Very honest and insightful.

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