Can’t Seem To Change

by Mark Ivar Myhre on July 28, 2011

Some Quotes About Change –

“I keep trying to change something about me – and I really want to change; I do, Mark!  But I just don’t seem to be getting anywhere.  And I’ve tried everything.”

(Boy, if I only had a nickel every time I heard that quote about change…!)

Today, let’s look at this problem from a new perspective and see if we can come up with some answers.  And let me say I do empathize with you.  I know the feeling, believe me.  I’ve dealt with it way too much in my own life.   I want to change; I’ve tried everything; I’m still stuck.  Oh yeah, and it hurts, too.

Well, here’s another quote about change:

“Anytime you really want to change but you can’t seem to, that’s going to create pain. ”

It’s like you’re beating your head against an invisible barrier.   This is when most people beat harder.  Which doesn’t work too awfully well.

So let’s stand back and look at this.  Here we’ve got this incredible gift called life.  And we’ve got tools and resources and raw materials and we can build anything we want in our little sandbox.  Why do I say this?  Here’s my vision:

We have a flow of energy that comes into us all the time.  Constantly and continuously, the gift of life is flowing into our ‘being’.  I call it the ’emotional wellspring’ and as far as I can tell, it’s the same energy as what’s called ‘chi’ or ‘ki’.

What I’m learning is this flow of energy appears to be unlimited.  Meaning, I can feel anything I want from this flow.  Just yesterday I was playing with it and I found myself bringing up all kinds of different stuff.

It’s raw energy.  It’s the precursor to my life.  Everything in the universe – or maybe, everything that makes up the universe – flows through this pathway, and bubbles up inside me in my emotional wellspring.

But it’s not just me!  You, too, have this energy inside.  Unlimited energy.  Energy that can create anything.  A – N – Y – THING.  Which leads to a really big quote about change:

“Change comes from being conscious of the flow of energy that’s already bubbling up inside of us.”

But, uh, I’m not feeling ‘anything’.  In fact, what I’m feeling seems rather unlofty and not powerful and not very energetic at all.  I’m not feeling the magic.  What I’m feeling is quite pedestrian and painful.  So what’s going on?

We put filters on this energy.  We have to.  It starts in the unconscious mind (if not before!).  We have tons of unconscious beliefs that start shaping this energy.  Beliefs that make the world seem real.  Beliefs that give us anchors and stability and a modicum of safety.  Beliefs that we need to survive.  And, most likely, beliefs that get in the way, as well.

After the flow of energy goes through your unconscious, then it moves through your subconscious mind.  Many more filters are added here.  Then it moves into the conscious part of us.  Where even more filters are added!

So here’s another quote about change:

“It’s because of these many, many filters that we can’t seem to change. ”

Even though we have an unlimited source of energy that can be anything and can allow us to feel anything and out of which we can do anything.

The power is there, inside us, but we can’t always get in touch with it because of the filters we’ve placed in this flow.  Filters that block and down-step and divert and impede this limitless flow.  We limit and restrict the flow because we have to.

Leaves changing color in the fall.

Could you imagine a world where the leaves didn't change?

We don’t really have a choice as to whether or not there will be resistors to the flow.  Our choice comes in with the type of resistors we use.   You’re going to down-step the energy.  That’s a given.  But how?  What resistors will you use?

Here’s the mind-blowing part:

You’ve got this wellspring inside you, right?  It bubbles up inside and it’s the life force that’s keeping you alive.  It’s how you think your thoughts and feel your feelings and manifest the world around you.  It’s how you create your reality.  Well, get this:

You’re not the only one who’s using that flow of energy. There’s a whole bunch of other parts of ‘you’ surrounding that wellspring like a pack of wolves surrounding a freshly killed buffalo.  They all want a piece of your pie.  And they’re getting it.

What am I talking about, specifically?  Well, you already know about the inner child, the inner adolescent, the inner parent, and the ego.  But there’s more.  How do you see yourself?  As a victim?  Okay, so there’s an inner victim elbowing his or her way into a choice spot next to that wellspring.  So they can lap up as much of that raw energy as possible.

So they have the power to do the job that you’ve instructed them to do:  “I’m always a victim.  No matter what happens.”

Okay.  If you’re going to be a victim, that’s going to take some energy.  It’s going to take your energy, actually.  Or what if you see yourself as the loser – the one who always loses?  Then you’ve got an inner loser who’s got a seat at your table.  Who’s got a ringside seat to that pure healing wonderful energy that’s bubbling up inside you all the time.

But if he’s the one drinking the water – if he’s the alpha male – then what kind of life are you guaranteed to have?

Now these are just two examples.  You may not be a victim or a loser.  And in fact, there are many, many different energies – aspects of you.  Parts of you.  I have a ‘limp guy’ who wants to go to sleep when the going gets tough.  I have a ‘broken man’ who really is flawed and defective.  I have an ‘inner martyr’ who finds it really is hopeless and helpless and he really can’t change.  He really is burdened with problems too heavy to bear.  He really is unappreciated.  He really is.

But if he’s drinking my flow, I’m screwed.  I’ll be creating a martyred reality.  Filled with problems.  Never appreciated for my efforts.  Feeling it’s hopeless; I can’t change.  I just can’t change.  No matter what I do.  Because I’ve given my power to my martyr.

Which leads us to one of the most important quotes on change:

“There are other parts of me that I can’t even see who are strongly resisting me changing.”

If you’re stuck and you truly can’t find a way to change, it may be because of this martyr energy.  Not guaranteed, but maybe.  Not that I want to give you a new boogey man to chase after.  And not to complicate it further, but the martyr energy could easily combine with other limiting parts of you to form some sort of alloy.  They combine together and actually seem to become stronger.

No matter what they are; no matter what is there – you are the one in charge!  The only power they have is the power you give them.

“I decide to function as a martyr and thus I create a martyred reality.”

Or a loser or a victim or whatever.  You see the point?  None of these parts are more powerful than you.  You gave them everything they’ve got.

Why would you do such a thing?  Because there was a time in your life where it may have been the best option.  As a child, for example, you may have dealt with some hairy situations.  Just to survive, you may have had to wrap yourself in self pity.  To numb the pain.

Sometimes when the experience is too heavy, a part of you branches off and starts moving sideways.  While you have to keep growing up.  This sideways branch becomes perhaps a ‘victim mentality’ later in life.  Or a blaming one, or a righteous one, or an indignant one, or a depressed one, or a panicked one, or a….

The possibilities are vast.  And here you are.  You want to change.  You really do.  But you’ve given too much of your power to some other part (or parts) of you.  Some other part of you – who has your power – is resisting that change. Why?  (Time for another quote about change!)

“These other parts of you don’t want you to change because they don’t want to give up their power over you.”

They don’t want to change.  They think they’ll die and they don’t want that.  They want to live just like you.

Now in fact, they won’t die.  They’re a part of you and they always will be.  You don’t ‘kill off’ any part of you.  That never happens.   The best you can do (excuse me, the worst you can do!) is to send it to your shadow and pretend it doesn’t exist.  Pretend you’ve killed it.  Cause when you do that, you’re still giving it your power.

Another powerful quote on change:

“You don’t change anything by sending your unresolved energy  to your shadow.”

No, the answer is to make these parts of you more visible.  Bring them closer to you, not further away.  That way you can get to know them and know how they function.  When you understand them, it removes the mystery.  You can then much more easily take back your power from them.

The potential will always be there for me to function as the broken man or the limp guy or whatever.  Okay?  I need to really let that in.  I don’t just draw a line in the sand and then I’m done being a martyr.  That’s a trick and a trap. There will never be a time in my life when I’m too powerful to start acting like a martyr.

Instead, the goal is to make them a hollow shell.  You keep your power.  But if you don’t know what they’re up to, then you don’t know what they’re up to.  So keep them close and get to know them and be responsible for them.

To sum up this long-winded article on quotes about change:

There’s a part of your consciousness that most certainly does not want you to change.  It wants to preserve the status quo.  But the ability – the means and methods and resources to change – are always flowing into you; every second of every day.  You just gotta find the will to change.  Because the ability is almost always already there.

Your job is to have a meeting of the minds with the part of you that doesn’t want to change.  Take back your power from it.  Then you can recognize, acknowledge, forgive and change.  Which can be a tall order, I realize.  But keep in mind this quote to change:

“Change is a natural and ever-present by-product of forgiveness.”

How can you do this?  (And how in the world can I explain it in an article that’s already over 1700 words long?!)  It starts with awareness – and if you read these quotes about change, then you are aware of what’s going on.

Next, you need to ‘meet and greet’ this part of you.  Don’t expect them to set out milk and cookies for you.  You want to change.  They don’t.  That’s a conflict.  Or, maybe you’ll find they’re tired of running your life.  You won’t know until you talk to them.

(That’s what makes this inner work so exciting – you never know what’s going to happen!)

So how do you meet an unknown part of you who’s so close to you that you can’t even see them?  You imagine them as being separate from you.  That’s it.  That’s the big secret.

Here’s one way to start.  Stare into the reflection of a TV or computer screen that’s turned off.  You’ll see a dark image of you reflected from the dark screen.   Or look at your reflection in a pool of water.  Or look at some other surface that provides a somewhat dark reflection.  Maybe look at a mirror in a darkened room, if that’s all you have.

You want to look at a dark reflection.  Then, you simply project onto that image.  Imagine it’s the part of you that’s holding you back.  Pretend it’s the limiter in your life.  It’s the part of you who holds your power to change.

Spend some time to study it.  Imagine what it must be thinking and feeling.  What motivates it.  What it wants for you.  What it’s doing to you.  And imagine how and why you created it in the first place.  What was so bad in your life?

Then, once you’ve worked with it in the ‘outer world’ you can go into meditation and you’ll be ahead of the game.  You’ll have a head start because you worked with it from an actual reflection from your blank computer screen.

And be inventive.  I’m always looking for goofy, off the wall reflections of me out in the world.  And when I see one, I always wonder – who are you in there?  What part of me do you represent?

And here’s my final quote about change:

“Ultimately, change is a function of choice.  The question is, which parts of you are making the choices in your life?

Looking at hazy reflections is one way I’ve found to help me get in touch with various parts of myself; parts of me that may be running my life.

And you can quote me on that.


Stefan July 28, 2011 at 9:22 am

Thank You Mark for writing this invaluable info.
I seem to always return to your blog and writings, of course mostly thru the email subscription…but this kind of “brutal honesty” (I pick that word up from Carlos Castaneda) is so basic and necessary in order to apply just about anything!
So Thank You again!
btw, talar du norska?
a swedish bloke

Mark Ivar Myhre July 28, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hey Stefan,

thanks for the feedback. As for talar du norska, even though I’m of Norwegian decent, I consider myself a “Southern American” – so that’s how I speak;

that’s all I know – ‘redneck talk’ or ‘country drawl’.

A July 28, 2011 at 10:15 am

I’ve read several of your articles but this one proves especially helpful for me right now. I am eager to change and I’ve made good progress but I keep falling back into old thought patterns. I can recognize all the different sides of my personality but I find it difficult to seperate them because they’re so intertwined. They feel so deeply tied to me that it seems almost impossible to redirect my energy at times but this method of visualizing them as seperate entities is immediately more effective. Viewing them apart from myself is a completely different experience. I can really see, accept and appreciate them for what they are. The energy seems to automatically redirect itself in response. Thank you so much for your great ideas and suggestions!

Mark Ivar Myhre July 28, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hi A – glad to hear it!

Martin July 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Thanks for the fantastic insights Mark,

I continue to battle inner fears and anxiety and your site has played a large part in me beginning to come to terms with my fears. I didn’t even realise the source of my fear story until I read you blogs. Now I know my first fear and my fear story and I have moved on loads. I see my conflicting personalities as a devil and angel during my visualisations and this has allowed me to talk directly to my subconscious. In my visualisations I can embrace both the devil and angel, tell them that we are all working together and that I make the final choice and this is really helping me to gradually master what was continuous anxiety and palpitations. I know I have a massive block that causes my palpitations and I can actually face it now. The doctor used to prescribe Beta Blockers for my anxiety and I am off them now and would never go back to them as I no longer fear the anxiety symptoms. Some aspects of my personality are so ingrained in me that I don’t feel I could change them as though they are based on my fear story from childhood, I have carried them all my life and they have essentially made me who I am today. So what I am doing is teaching my subconscious to believe that I have the choice to change if I need to and that I am in control. This is gradually freeing me of the anxiety around the blockage and therefore I may change or I may not but I have the choice to accept myself as I am and not keep fighting myself.

Thanks Mark for helping me to change my life for the better. This is a journey I shall never finish on this earth.

Mark Ivar Myhre July 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Powerful comment, Martin. Thanks.

kay July 28, 2011 at 12:42 pm

It seems to be hard to even identify those branches or broken-off parts of oneself so they can be exposed, and so that one can find out who is sapping the energy. If I could be successful at this first step, then I would talk to these other entities and ask them what their job is, why they think they are necessary to keep me safe, and whether they would be willing to give back some of the energy they are taking from me. I guess finding them is the hard part for me. They’re somewhere in my subconscious and I haven’t a clue how to access that area.

Mark Ivar Myhre August 1, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Hi Kay,

I do have some meditations that take you to your subconscious. Just look on the Resources page (there’s a link to it at the top of this page)

Dana Grzybicki July 28, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Thanks Mark for this extremely insightful and helpful explanation and advice about (not) changing. I think the most helpful idea for my progress is to remember that the parts of myself holding me back will not cease to exist, but hopefully they will have less and less power over me. I have spent a lot of time attempting to completely rid myself of them, and it definitely hasn’t worked. Best Wishes, Dana

Linda July 29, 2011 at 4:09 am

Hi Mark.
I really enjoyed reading your post on change. Definitely making a change can be tough for some people, but it really helps you grow. I believe change gives you the kind energy you need to move forward in your life. Your blog was informative and fresh, and I always love to see writings like yours that help and inspire people. Yours did. Much success to you Mark in everything you do.

Linda, your universal friend.

Mark Ivar Myhre August 1, 2011 at 10:02 pm

thanks, Linda.

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