Self Love

by Mark Ivar Myhre on August 27, 2011

Here’s four questions I was asked to answer about self love.

In this article, I describe a unique meditation that helped break open a whole new level of self love for me.

1. What Was Your Most Difficult Step In The Development Of Self Love?

The hardest thing for me to understand about self love is that it really just comes down to a choice. I can choose to love myself, or not.  And for most of my life, I never even gave it a thought.  Looking back, I really don’t think I was loving myself much.

I remember as a teenager I was sent to a mental health counselor because I had so many emotional problems, and the guy asked me if I thought I was loveable.  Well, the whole question at the time was ridiculous.  Of course I’m not loveable.  How in the world could he even ask me that?  That’s crazy.

It would be another twenty years before I would ever seriously consider the question again.  And then at one point it just hit me so hard – self love is completely up to me. I can choose to love myself as much as I want to.  What really hurt in all this, was that I waited so long to accept the fact that I could feel all the love I wanted to.  I wasted so many years denying so much love.  That’s what really hurts.

2. What Was Your Wake Up Call?

I do these funny little things, that I call free-form, or open-ended, meditations.  Where I’ll just sort of drift off in sort of a dream state, even though I’m awake.  So I did this mediation, and I find myself standing outside of a courthouse that looked like it was from several hundred years ago.  No cars or anything, just horses and buggies.

All these people were standing around outside.  I walk inside, and I see that I’m the one on trial.  I walk up to the desk, and the judge is seated in front of me.  Then the guy next to me, who was obviously the prosecuting attorney, stood up and started telling the judge all the reasons why I didn’t deserve love.  Why I didn’t deserve to love myself.  Why I didn’t deserve self love.

Because I’m a bad person, because I’ve done all these bad things in the past, and so forth.

Then I got up.  I told the judge that all that was true, but that I’ve now forgiven myself for my past, I’ve forgiven myself for my limitations, and most of all, I am now willing for things to be different.  I am willing to have self love.

The judge went out of the room for a short time, and believe it or not, I’m actually getting nervous here.  Because if he comes back and agrees with the DA, I’m screwed.  So I was really concerned.  Well, he comes back in and gives me a full pardon for all my so-called crimes, and says that now I have the right to love myself as much as I want.

Case closed.

Newspaper headline of Ford giving Nixon a pardon.

Boy, do I know the feeling of "Suffered Enough"!

Then, I walk out of the courthouse, and all the people are cheering and yelling and so happy that I’ve now been given the permission and the authority to love myself as much as I want.  It was a crazy meditation, let me tell you.

3. What Happened?  How Has Your Life Changed?

Well, I realized that I was the DA who argued against me loving myself.  And I was the judge who pardoned me.  And I was all those people outside who were cheering for me.  These were all aspects of me.  They were parts of me, parts of my subconscious.

I knew – that just by going through this whole meditation the way I did – that I would automatically start to love myself more.  Or, stated another way, I was going to let in more love.  See, the love is always there.  We’re surrounded by it. We can’t escape it.  Like a fish is surrounded by water, so we are surrounded by love.  So it’s not a matter of getting to the love, because it’s everywhere.

No, the key is to let it in. We don’t have to be that air-tight submarine that stays dry inside, in the middle of the sea.  All we have to do is to let down our guard.  All we have to do is stop fighting the love.  All we have to do is drop our shields.  Just stop fighting the love.  That’s all we have to do.

Now, as for how this changed my life, first of all it made everything easier. I don’t have to be so hard on myself anymore.  I don’t have to put myself down every time I make some stupid little mistake.  It takes so much pressure off my back.  I don’t have to worry about doing everything perfectly.

Love helps open up the pathway of my emotions. It helps me to feel more cleanly the emotions that come up.  It helps remove the blockages that are impeding my emotional wellspring.  It’s like a lubricant that helps me to feel what I want to feel.

It helps with the loneliness. It’s hard to really be lonely when you’re filled with love.  You can be alone, but then, in a sense, I’m never alone.  Even in solitude.  It’s opened up my eyes to all the entities and beings – seen and unseen – that love me so much.  There’s just so much love.

Love helps heal the shame, and the pains of the past.

And love makes me safe. I don’t have to worry so much about something bad happening.

And the love gives me confidence. I don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen.  I know that whatever comes up, I can handle it.

And the love makes me more powerful. More powerful.  Love is powerful.  Very, very powerful.  There’s nothing wimpy or weak about it.  It’s power.  Love is power.

It helps build my self esteem. My esteem – the estimate I make of myself, like a real estate appraisal on a piece of property.  Love helps build my esteem.

It also helps me feel good enough. It helps me know that I deserve.

And it makes it easier to be willing. Be willing to do – to be – and to have – anything I want.

It helps with my relationships. My relationship with myself, with my Creator, and with other people.  Love helps in so many ways.  Whew!

4. What has been your most challenging belief?

That I am powerful.  That my only limits are self imposed.  That I really can craft a life just the way I want it.  And it’s only possible to do that if I feel my own self love.

As the saying goes, love is made for giving.

And to give it you must first feel it yourself.  And it all starts with allowing yourself to receive love.   The good news is we already are receiving love, and we always have been.  The bad news is we so often block it out.

Fortunately, the meditation I wrote about above really helped me.  I would suggest it to anyone who wants to love themselves more.  It sounds crazy, but it sure worked for me!


Terri August 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

A great song to meditate to is “The Greatest Love of All”. I discovered it on the original albumn with a picture of Mohammed Ali ( I think sung and played by the amazing artist George Benson). How Ali let himself be punished in the ring made it all the more poignant. Other artists have done beautiful renditions of the same song. Over time we become how we treat our children.

damo September 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

People seem to go to all sorts of effort to deny love,
telling themselves many stories,about this person or that,
love does not need to be reciprocated it just is,
if we can’t learn to love the first person we came across ” us “,
how can we realistically know love for others?.

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