“I’ve been trying really hard to attract a soul mate into my life – I focus on it everyday. But it’s just not coming. What do I do?”
That’s a question someone just asked me. I understand how it feels. I know the longing for something and not being able to have it. It can get really frustrating to want anything and not get it. And the advice some people give is to stop wanting. Then you’ll be happy.
Here’s where they’re right:
When you long for something too intensely, it creates pain. Remember, pain is caused by a longing for, and a separation from, some thing.
It took me a long time to figure out that I was actually creating pain in my life by focusing so much on the longing. Because taken to the extreme, you just create a resonance of longing – wanting something so desperately, but never getting it.
See? You end up with nothing but the longing. You end up wanting it more and more. But in that resonance of intensely wanting, but never getting, you end up with nothing but more intense feelings. So the potential danger here is that you’ll create what you think about most – namely, not getting what you want, with even more longing, and thus more pain.
Now, here’s the flip side:
Desire is a tool of reality creation. You need desire to live your life. But it has to be tempered. It’s all too easy for desire to end up as desperation, which of course leads to more desperation.
You want a strong, powerful desire, and one good way to do that is to work with the desire cream as I explain in the e-book. When you work with the desire cream, you will be tempering your desire, and reducing the longing and desperation.
Another way to reduce the longing, while increasing the chances of success, involves stepping back and looking at the big picture. You mentioned you want to manifest a soul mate, and that’s great. Nothing wrong with wanting a soul mate, or anything else for that matter.
But why do you want it?
Because of the way you’ll feel once you have it.
That longing you feel isn’t really for the soul mate (or any other physical thing, for that matter.) The longing you feel is to experience certain feelings in your heart. It’s a yearning of the heart.
And you can fulfill that yearning right now, today. I suppose you’ve already heard the classic advice of what to do when you want something – just imagine you already have it. Well, I would tweak that just a little, and say feel the feeling of what it will be like to already have it.
That’s how you satisfy the longing and the desperation.
It took me a long time to really ‘get’ that simple advice. I’d heard it so many times, but it just didn’t register with me. It’s so easy, it’s so simple, and it works. “Feel the feeling of what it’ll be like to have what you want.”
Now, that’s not the only thing you do – not at all! Rather, it’s the first thing you do.
Because then you’ll be standing on solid ground. See, when you long for something, and you’re always thinking about it, and you’re obsessing over it, and you want it desperately and all that stuff, your foundation is weak and shifty. It’s like trying to build a house too close to the beach. You’re trying to build something on the sand, but no matter how hard you try, the structure just won’t stand.
You need a solid foundation under your feet if you want to build something in this world.
Now the thing is, you always have some sort of foundation. The reality you see around you comes out of, and is a reflection of, the foundation that’s already there.
The key involves creating a solid foundation under your feet, then you can create the structure you want out of it. In this case, attracting a soul mate, but it could be anything at all, for that matter.
So what is this foundation?
Technically speaking, it’s your resonance. Your intensity and your power express itself in many different energies which all come together to form a unified whole. When I say ‘different energies’ I’m referring to your dominant thoughts and feelings, your beliefs, your choices, your imagination, your will, your love, and various others as well.
To figure out what’s in your resonance right now, you can look to how you feel about your present condition. What’s the dominant thoughts and feelings? What do you keep telling yourself over and over? What do you feel? Where’s your intensity? How would you describe your situation in a sentence or two?
Now, what’s important to understand, is that if you currently feel this way, you may end up feeling this way even more in the future, if you don’t work to change your foundation.
I’m already working hard to get a soul mate, but it’s not happening. What’s wrong?
First, the natural order of life is to get what you want, to be successful, and to live a happy, fulfilled life. That’s what naturally happens. But we’re not really living a natural life, are we? It’s a very dysfunctional world out there. Maybe you noticed.
We’ve picked up some bad habits living in society as we do. But here’s the basics of our situation:
1. We have a stream of raw material flowing into us all the time.
2. We create our lives out of this raw material.
Ideally, manifesting a soul mate should take no more effort than choosing, and then allowing it to happen. And if you’ll look closely at your life, you’ll see there were times when it took nothing more than a choice for something to manifest for you. Usually, though, that’s not the case. Because we won’t allow it.
Now, speaking directly to a soul mate, lets look at why it may not have already happened…
You most likely have used some of your flow of raw material to filter out the soul mate from coming to you. Why?
The relationship you have with your parents influences all your future relationships. And the relationship you have with your parent of the opposite sex will greatly influence your efforts to find or attract a soul mate. If you’re a woman, you may need to heal the relationship with your father. If you’re a man, then you may need to heal the relationship with your mother.
It may be part of your life lesson, where you decided before you were born that you were going to work with love in this lifetime, and to help you focus on it, you were going to have parents that would help you create barriers to love by what they programmed into you at an early age.
And when you really look at, who in the world doesn’t have issues with love? I see so many couples who cohabitate, out of convenience, who don’t have a clue as to what love is. For so many people, love equals some sort of pain or suffering. But if they’re already in a relationship, and they’re able to tread water, then they probably won’t be rocking the boat to explore love.
The Barrier To Attracting A Soul Mate
Your barrier to a soul mate consists of many layers, like an onion. Peeling away these layers one by one will get you where you want to go. For example, potential layers may be –
- No one would want me
- No one is suitable for me
- I’ll never find the one for me
- I’m not good enough to find my soul mate
- You never get what you want anyway
- If I find my soul mate then my life will be over because I’ve achieved my life’s purpose
Eventually, you may find it’s fear of the responsibility of a relationship that’s probably the bottom layer. Because why do you even want a ‘soul mate’? Usually, that means I’m looking for my one and only – which means I won’t have to do any work to keep the relationship going – it will just happen on its own.
In other words, I won’t have to be responsible for it.
Also, in my search for a soul mate, what am I getting now? That’s the key to getting what you want – to take responsibility for what you’re currently creating. One woman wrote me recently saying she felt ‘slightly deceived’. And until she deals with that energy (which was there long before her current efforts) then she will continue to feel slightly deceived.
So what do you do exactly? You peel those layers back one by one.
How do you do that? Ask yourself this question – why don’t I have a soul mate already?
Just write down the first thing that pops into your head. Then work to resolve it. And when that’s resolved, ask the question again. And resolve that next thing that pops into your head.
The bottom line; the sad truth here; is that if you really wanted a soul mate, you would probably already have it. So if you can find and understand where the fear is then you can feel that fear and resolve it and move through it so you can have that soul mate.
That chapter in the e-book on working with your thoughts and feelings around your secret payoff comes into play here. Find your payoff for not currently having a soul mate.
What are you proving by not having what you want?
What are you avoiding by not having what you want?
What secret wish is being fulfilled by not getting what you want?
These are the types of questions to ask yourself.
One final thing I want to throw at you: If there really were one perfect person for you, then the two of you would most likely have prearranged, before birth, to meet up. And you wouldn’t really have to struggle and work hard to meet this other person. It would just happen.
Instead, I believe for most of us, we could be compatible with many different individuals. We need a certain ‘type’ of person to achieve a ‘soul mate’ type of relationship, but many people would fit the profile that works for us. So it’s not about finding one unique person. It’s about clearing out our own obstacles and healing our fears of love and intimacy.
And understand, you’re working with one of the ‘big three’ here – love, wealth, and health. Anytime you work with one of these three areas of your life, you can bet there’s going to be plenty of baggage to clear out. I happened to read about a program just today that covers how to get a soul mate by systematically clearing out the baggage, and you can check it out here –
I realize I’ve touched on a lot of different angles in this article, because I just wrote stuff down as it popped into my head. A complex topic like this deserves much more information than I can write out in one short article.
For example, we didn’t even look at how you’re logistically going about looking for a soul mate. How many women do you ‘interview’ each week for the position of being your soul mate? How many women do you talk to? How many women do you even consider?
Are you putting yourself in a good position to meet this soul mate?
Another important angle we didn’t cover here is the most important relationship of all – the relationship with yourself. That has to come first. You have to love and accept yourself first before you can have any other healthy relationship – whether it’s with your Creator, or with another person. And let’s don’t forget the relationship you have with your soul…
The essential question I really need to answer: do I truly want a soul mate, or do I want to just want a soul mate?
Big difference there, which trips up a lot of people.all the best,
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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