Here’s the story of how I learned to like love, and even accept it. And at the end of this page, I’ve explained the one technique anyone can do to feel more love; no matter how little they feel now.
For most of my life, I had no use for love. I didn’t have a clue as to what it was, and even the word itself bothered me. When I was growing up, I created a cold, sleek, shiny barrier filled with hate that kept everything at a distance. It was like a steel cylinder that surrounded me and kept be separate from everything. Even myself. Much less, the villagers of Starkville, Mississippi.
Which might explain the depression, the depersonalization, the anxiety…
Anyway, this was my legacy of love. It lasted well into the adult years.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this or not, but I go into meditation almost every single day and meet with my Higher Self. (I guess that should be capitalized…?) My Higher Self is by far the greatest love of my life. I see it as a masculine energy, but most women I’ve spoken to about this, see their Higher Self as a feminine energy.
My Higher Self is sort of like the higher consciousness of me, with his own thoughts and feelings separate from mine. I often will go into meditation just to talk to him and feel his energy. Sometimes I’ll even ask him what he wants to talk about today.
Except, I quit doing it for a while, because every time I’d ask, he’d want to talk about love. LOVE???!! No, I think I’d rather talk about the Gator football team, or the weather, or this nagging cough, or ANYTHING IN THE WORLD EXCEPT LOVE.
This stalemate literally went on for years. Or, from my perspective it was a stalemate. And he was happy to oblige me. So we would talk about more mundane topics.
Finally, in a moment of weakness, I suppose… or maybe I really had nothing on my mind to talk about that day, I agreed to talk about love.
And here’s the vision he put into my head:
You know that emotional wellspring I’m always harping on? The flow of energy that comes from God-knows-where, and ends up bubbling forth deep inside me? (And you, too, of course!) That emotional wellspring?
Well, my Higher Self showed me that that flow is basically love itself. Or rather, it derives from love. It starts out as love.
Love that has been –
- separated and divided
Everything derives from love. That’s the vision I got. And that’s when I first decided to entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, there is some value to love.
And that’s when I started looking at my own beliefs about love. Whew! Talk about a stinky mess. I’ll spare you the details. Especially since it’s a work in progress…
One thing I’ve humorously noted in myself and others – we’ll have some breakthrough about love, and then think we have love figured out. (Which is really a lot funnier than it sounds.)
Love will always be a mystery. Thank goodness for that!
Another thing I’ve noticed about love. See, I’ve got this hobby of mine that involves feeling stuff. I practice feeling EVERYTHING. (Yes, I even feel the football team… trying to feel what they feel as they’re losing – or sometimes winning…)
What I’ve noticed is that love has the densest energy of anything I’ve ever felt. Dense. Love is dense, very dense. ‘Density’ refers to the mass of a certain volume. So it’s like there’s more substance – there’s more ‘happening’ in love – than in anything else.
(Conversely, someone flying into a rage, is mostly fluff and froth. Very little substance there.)
Maybe because all things; all energies; are wrapped up in this nebulous force we call love. Maybe that’s why it’s so dense; because love holds everything else.
You know how you can take a white light, and put it through a prism? And it separates out into all the colors of the rainbow? As illustrated by the cover of the greatest album of all time –
That’s how I see love. Everything is contained within love. Even all that yucky ugly bad stuff you don’t want to feel.
Love has down-stepped, divided, separated, and recombined in an infinite number of ways to create everything else. Love: the ultimate raw material of life. Out of which, our manifesting raw materials of belief, attitude, thought, feeling, decision and choice come from. And out of those six raw materials come the pain and joy and sorrow and wonder and boredom and everything else in our lives. But it all starts with love. Dense, powerful, love.
So how can you use this on a practical level?
The quickest and easiest way to be filled with love is to try to empty it all out of you.
I hear from so many people, and I talk to so many people, who just aren’t feeling any love at all. Or so they say. All of us have filters that block love to one degree or another. My guess is that if we were to feel a whole bunch of pure love, our bodies would literally explode, or obliterate instantly. Seriously. So, it’s not like we should beat ourselves up for having filters to love. It’s just that we’ve overdone it. Or, I have anyway. I don’t know about you.
Anyway, that’s the starting point: admitting we have filters that block love. One way to lessen those filters is to find some thing to love. I would say find some ONE, but when you’re really feeling no love, it’s a lot easier to find a thing rather than a person to love.
(And for this exercise, puppies qualify as a ‘thing’!) The point is, you want to find something that is SAFE to love. And it’s often hard to feel safe loving another person, when you’re at this point.
Find something that is safe to love, and then love it. Try to get all the love out of you by giving it to some thing that is safe to love. It could be a puppy. It could be an idea. It could be that new couch you just bought. Or a new car. Or a used car!
Anything that is safe to love. That’s where you start. Give it your love. Now, hopefully, it will be a person, but it doesn’t have to be. And you don’t have to tell that other person if you don’t want to. You can love from afar, as long as you don’t let it turn into some sort of delusional fantasy.
We have a natural ability to love. We have a natural desire to love. We have a natural need to love. We humans have a fierceness to our love. It can be quite powerful. You could start with loving yourself (arguably the best place to start!) or you could start with loving your Creator, or you could start with loving the earth.
Just figure out what makes the most sense to you. And give of your love unconditionally. Give all you got. And something wonderful starts to happen. You get filled up with more love than you gave away. That’s part of the mystery of love.
See, people who say they feel no love; what they really mean is that they’ve locked it up in a vault inside themselves. It’s there; they just don’t access it. When you start to love someone or something that is safe to love, then you will be opening up that vault. Then you can start feeling the love that was always inside you.
And then, miraculously, more love seeps in. It always does.
Remember, love is always pouring into you through your emotional wellspring. Yes, it’s down-stepped and all that. Yes, we put filters on it. Unconscious filters. Subconscious filters. Self image filters. Ego and self filters. But it’s still love.
You can’t possibly run out of love. So find some one or some thing or maybe even that image you see in the mirror, and start loving it. That’s what I do. Whenever I remember, that is.all the best,
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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