I’m a little surprised by the number of people who say self-hate is an issue for them. On the face of it, it makes no sense. Why in the world – when you have the entire range of emotion at your disposal - would you choose to hate yourself? I can see hating injustice; that’s how things change around here. But hating yourself?
As you’ll see in a minute, though, it makes perfect sense when you look at the big picture. But first…
Maybe you heard about Masaru Emoto, the Japanese man who figured out how to photograph water crystals. He wrote several books, filled with pictures, of how water changes when you hate (or love!) the water which is then captured on film.
He shows without a doubt your energy directly influences water. When you hate water, it becomes ugly and distorted. Conversely, when you love water, it becomes quite beautiful.
It’s fascinating to read the books and look at his pictures. But the point is, you’re mostly water. And if you hate yourself, that’s going to change things inside you. Which you probably already knew.
But many people just can’t seem to stop. And they don’t need evidence – in full color pictures – to tell them they’re hurting themselves. They’re living it every day. Their misery is evidence enough.
Well, I’m here to tell you self-hate can be ended one hundred percent. I’m living proof of it.
The first thing to understand is that you were injected with a seed of self-hate. That’s where it always starts.
You were fertile ground. All sorts of things were planted in you in early childhood. Soon, those seeds grow into plants, and it becomes much harder for new seeds to be planted in you, the older you got. Because all the ground gets covered up. There’s no more room.
Hate, being as destructive as it is, usually has to get planted early if it’s going to sprout and root and take hold and grow into the self-hate you know today.
Because if someone tried to plant it into you as a grownup, you’d probably just blow it off, unless it was accompanied by strong psychological coercion. Sure, we could probably all be brainwashed as adults, but not without a lot of effort.
But a young child? You don’t stand a chance. If someone wants to plant their hate in you, it’s as easy as falling off a slippery log.
Not that anyone actually chose to make you feel a lifetime of self-hate. But certain people, very influential people in your life, had their own issues of self-hate that you may or may not have even been aware of. And they did inject a seed of hate into you. A seed of self-hate. That’s where it always starts. With a seed.
What you do with that seed is up to you. How you nourish it; how you feed it; how you keep it alive and let it grow and blossom and mature and eventually let it kill you.
Here’s the thing: As a small child, with fertile soil, any seed will likely root and take hold and start growing. That’s a given. Seeds of love, seeds of hate, seeds of anything. Even contradictory seeds can grow side by side. It happens all the time.
And the greater the intensity of the seed, the stronger and more powerful the plant will become. Hate has a lot of intensity. That’s its nature. When planted, it tends to grow strong.
Curiously enough, sometimes that seed may even lie dormant for a while, but sooner or later, it will grow. It has to. Because of the intensity. And when it does, you start to feel like you’re possessed.
The hate almost takes on a life of its own. It becomes more powerful than you. Or, it can seem that way. But the funny thing about a plant – any plant – it has to be nourished or it will die.
Any plant needs water and nutrients to survive. Every plant needs certain ‘energy inputs’ or it won’t make it. Same way with the hate. You have to feed the hate, or it will start to shrink.
Sure doesn’t seem that way, does it? It seems like it has a life of its own. And it almost does. But it doesn’t. And that’s an important distinction to make. Your self-hate would start to wither and die if you stopped feeding it. Your self-hate could not exist without your care.
“But I’m sick of hating myself! I don’t want to hate myself anymore! But I can’t stop!”
If this is the boat you’re in, then it’s time to take a good hard look at who is ‘you’. On the one hand, yes, there’s a part of you who wants the hate to end. Even if you’re not it touch with that part, and you think you want to feel the hate, I can absolutely guarantee you, there’s a part of you who wants the hate to end.
And, no matter what you feel about your hate, there’s also a part of you who does not want the hate to end.
No matter how badly you want your self-hate to end, there’s a part of you who wants to keep that hate alive. Usually, for very predictable reasons. There’s no rocket science going on here.
Your job, if you find yourself with any self-hate at all, is to get to know yourself better. You need to know which part of you wants to keep this self-hate alive, that’s slowly killing you. Because you’ve got better ways to die. Such as, peacefully in your sleep, after a full and rich and wonderfully-lived life!
So it starts with knowing yourself. And while there may be different elements at play here; different parts of you who want to keep the hate going to one degree or another; I can almost assure you, it all comes down to one particular aspect of you.
The part that is closest to you, besides the ‘conscious you’ reading and (hopefully) pondering these words. (The ‘conscious you’, I refer to as the ‘self I’.) The part that wants to feel hate, and is feeding the hate, I refer to as the ‘ego I’.
Who am I? Well, that’s a complex topic, but where it hits closest to home – you are divided into the self and the ego. The ego has been mightily misinterpreted by many great minds of the past and present. You could write a book just on the confused concepts out there. But…
If you want to know who’s been feeding your self-hate when your back is turned, then look to your ego. Period. It may not be the only one holding the bucket of food, but it’s certainly the main one. It’s where you need to start. Assuming, of course, that you want to end the self-hate.
If you don’t want to end the self-hate, then just keep doing whatever you’ve been doing. And your hate will stay like hot iron. Maybe even get stronger and hotter. I don’t recommend that option. Self-hate is too painful. It’s too unnecessary.
You’re shaming yourself when you hate yourself. That’s what self-hate is all about. Worst of all, you have to go around looking for other people to plant your self-hate in. Since it’s hard to plant it in grownups, you start looking for those weaker than you. Those of fertile soil. If you have kids, then you don’t have to look very far.
You know what I mean?
Much better to handle this head-on. Like, um, an adult. The place to start is with your ego. And, ironically, it’s your ego that will do all it can to get you to not look at it. That in itself should be a very strong clue as to how important this is!
Learning about your ego goes way beyond healing self-hate.
If you want to know yourself, then you need to know all you can about your ego.
I’ve been working directly with my own ego for many years. Not only was I able to end a very intense self-hate, but also I know peace. I know inner peace. I know what peace of mind is all about. Because I learned how to harness my own ego. I let it be an ally, the way it was meant to be, instead of an enemy, which it has become for almost every person on this planet.
If you want to end the self-hate, and get some peace of mind, then I strongly urge you to check out this little package I put together about your ego -
And, finally, let me say I’ve also recorded a new meditation recently that will take you out of self-hate in a matter of minutes. It’s not a permanent solution, but it works quick and dirty. It’s almost a sneaky way to get you feeling much better right now. If you’re interested, it’s available on the membership site.all the best,
Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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