Ownership Of Self

by Mark Ivar Myhre on March 26, 2012

I went into meditation this morning to better understand the differences between doing and being. I came out with a profound understanding of ownership and what it means to ‘own’ myself and to own my state of being.

See, I’m a doer by nature. Even when it comes to the most important thing in my life – my meditation practice. I don’t go into meditation to achieve some state of being. No, I ‘do’ meditation. It’s active. Even when it seems passive.

And in living my life, good grief! I’ve got a million things to do. I don’t have time to be. Which results in an imbalance inside me. It’s like I’m always a little off-center. Always tilted in a certain direction.  Seemingly dependent on which way the wind blows…

“Always on the go, seldom in the flow.”

As the saying goes… (the saying I just made up.)

Actually, I do feel the flow a lot. A lot more than I used to. But not enough to really balance out my intense fiery energy of doing. There’s too much fire inside.

Too much of the masculine energy of doing; not enough of the feminine energy of being. But as my unseen friends tactfully pointed out, being comes before doing. Which is why I wanted to better understand the imbalance inside me between the doing and the being.


The problem is, I tend to think that I have to do it all. “I’m all I’ve got.” That’s a little story I seem to have a hard time dropping. It’s all up to me. If I don’t run faster on this invisible treadmill every day, then my business will fall apart, my life will fall apart, and, I suppose, the whole world will somehow fall apart. (Talk about a story!)

It’s not enough to run on the treadmill. No. I have to run faster than I did yesterday. Because if I don’t, bad things will happen. It’s like I’m fighting for my very survival here. (Which puts me in the classic trap of domination and chauvinism; believing the lie that says I have to fight to survive.)

Luckily, I was able to recognize this after my unseen friends hit me upside the head with a 2-by-4. And thus my goal for the morning’s meditation was to learn how I can ‘be’ more and ‘do’ less. Without the whole world falling apart.

It’s funny because they showed me my attitude here was “how do I start ‘doing’ my being-ness?”

“What do I gotta do to be?” In other words, it’s just one more thing I’ve got to do. One more thing I need to accomplish today so I can check it off the list.

“I have to do it all – and now I have to do ‘being-ness’??? When will it end? When will I get there? When will…?”

They pointed out I’m already ‘being’. I’m just not owning it. And now we’re getting to the heart of the matter.

Everybody has a state of being. Everybody is in a state of being. It’s not something you have to conjure up with sweat and blood and tears and harder work. Your being-ness is already there.

Out of your being-ness, comes everything else. Which would tend to make it a worthy area of focus.

I’m trying to ‘do’ – to compensate for who I ‘am’. No wonder I’m so intimate with that treadmill! No wonder I’m running so hard. No wonder life is a bit of an uphill battle.

And sadly, no wonder my life isn’t changing as much as I want. It’s like I’m a dog tied to a pole in the backyard. If I’m on a six foot rope, no matter what I do I’ll never be more than six feet away from that pole in the ground. That pole is my being-ness. I can’t escape myself.

You can see the problem here. I want to change things – I want things to be different – maybe I even want to change myself – but I’m tethered to a six foot rope. I’m tethered to my own being-ness. “It’s who I am.”


Now, I love doing. I LOVE doing things. It makes me happy to accomplish goals. And I find myself being pretty happy a lot of the time. But there’s only so much I can accomplish. There’s only so much I can achieve before I reach my boundary. And that’s why I need to also focus on my being-ness.

However, I had a fundamental problem that prevented me from focusing on it. My problem was, I refused to own my being-ness. The ownership was lacking. Not because I didn’t want to own my being-ness, but because I didn’t want to own anything.

The problem was I blocked any and all ownership. Which explains a lot. Such as, why I wanted to pretend I was a Native American when I was growing. “Because they don’t have to own anything.” I was wrong, of course, but that’s a different story. The point is, I had an arrogant refusal to feel the energy of ownership.

Ownership is an emotional experience. And out of feeling the energy of ownership… well… you own things. But not me! I’m going to block that emotional experience as much as I can.

Now, when I came to this realization, I could have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what happened in my past to get me to deny such a wonderful energy. Instead, I chose to go right to the bottom line. Here’s that bottom line:

What is the story I am telling myself which creates the blockage to feeling my ownership?

What’s the story here? In my case, it went like this – “If I own something it will be taken away.” That simple little story encompasses not just belief, but also attitude, thoughts and feelings, and choices and decisions.

Again, I could have spent a lot of time processing this out. And if there was a lot of ’emotional charge’ behind the story, then I would have. But in my case, since I’ve spent so much time working on myself to reclaim my emotional energy, there was no need. Instead, it was a simple matter of dropping the story. With a chuckle, I might add. Since it was kind of funny!  In a sad sort of way.

But do you see how easy it would have been to hang on to the nobility of that story? Milk it dry? Then breathe life into it, and milk it some more? Believe me, I’ve been there! I KNOW how easy it would be. Hell, I’d probably do it now, but I just don’t have time to play those games.

So I decided to flip it around. Tell myself a new story.

“If I own something, that means I can do whatever I choose with it.”

In this instance, I was able to change this story, and the blockage pretty much just went away right then and there. And then I was flooded with the energy of ownership. Yes, it was a powerful experience.


So now I’ll just start ‘being’ – right?

No. I already am. Now, maybe I’ll just let it in a little bit more. Let in my being-ness. Feel it a little more. And then feel it even more; let it grow. Be in touch with it.

Because the more I own myself, the more I can choose what to do with myself. The more I own my thoughts and feelings, the more I can choose what to think and feel.

So what can I learn here?

  • I was seeking to understand my being-ness on a deeper level. Because I knew I was out of balance by focusing too much on doing. Doing is not a substitute for being, and being in not a substitute for doing. They’re designed to work together. The masculine and the feminine need each other.
  • I can be more than what I do, but I can’t do more than what I am.
  • The more I feel my being-ness, the easier it will be to open to receiving help from above.
  • I love doing – and I’m always reaching and stretching for more. But I can only do so much. Then, I need to turn it over to a Higher Power. That’s where the receiving comes in. And I can’t ‘do’ receiving.
  • I had a blockage to owning my ‘being-ness’ because I had a blockage to the very energy of ownership. Once I chose to end that blockage, I quickly changed.
  • That change caused ripples in my reality. And here it is a few hours later, and I am still very much feeling those ripples.

And lastly, I reaffirmed what I already knew – choice overrides everything.

My old mantra – “You can do this”
My new mantra – “I am being this”
We’ll see how it goes…

Oh, one last point: To change your state of being, the best way I know is by using the power of resonance.

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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{ 6 comments }

David @ Everlution March 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

Boy I’ve tried doing being for many years as well. I think I’m finally learning to bathe and rejuvenate in just being in meditation, and also throughout my day with mindfulness practice. I love mindfulness because it can be done anywhere and it really is the art of being present wherever you are at.

Really great and authentic post Mark.

Mark Ivar Myhre March 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

Hey David,
great to hear from you!

and anyone reading this – I highly suggest you click on David’s link above and check out his website.

Oliver Kaufman March 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I’ve also run into this – I want to “solve” everything – which is a lot like “doing”. Once it’s solved, it’s accomplished, then on to the next thing. But I discovered the feminine energy in me was dissatisfied with me constantly popping in, checking if anything was wrong, if it was, dumping a solution on her, then popping out again. I didn’t completely care – instead, there was a presence in me that resented that my female side “complained all the time”, and just wanted her “to shut up”. I challenged this, telling him that I wanted someone who cared instead. At first he thought no one ACTUALLY cared, until a little voice sprang up in me saying “I care.”

Although my feminine energy was suspicious at first, the caring part of me didn’t mind at all, and just noticed that she had been pushing herself so hard and needed rest. Eventually, she calmed down, and for the rest of the day I felt a profound new sense of relaxation.

It has gone away again, but I figure it’s just another block that I’ll discover soon.

Anyhow, it was awesome to hear your perspective on it! Ain’t this stuff fun? : )

Mark Ivar Myhre March 30, 2012 at 9:50 am

Hey Oliver –

is it fun?

heck, this is my life!

thanks for sharing

Anna April 16, 2012 at 6:35 pm

If it’s any consolation Mark, your emails (doing) are helping me!

Mark Ivar Myhre April 16, 2012 at 9:01 pm

thanks, Anna, and yes, it does console me!

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