How To Feel Your Feelings

by Mark Ivar Myhre on April 25, 2012

Well, this should be interesting.  Explaining how to feel your feelings is kind of like explaining how to blink your eyes.  But I’ll try anyway…

Imagine this scenario:

You’re floating in a river.  Gently moving downstream. The water feels warm and nurturing to your skin.  All is right with the world, and you’re having a wonderful time.  You’re letting the current carry you, without a care in the world.  You’re in the flow.

But then you hear someone talking about how there’s rocks up ahead.  You could get hurt, or worse.  And they remind you to watch out for the fish – they could bite you.   There might be poisonous snakes in the water as well.

And while nobody knows for sure, there’s a rumor of a huge waterfall somewhere downstream.  You’d be crazy to stay in this river and risk dying.  You’ll never survive the waterfall.

All of a sudden, you’re not having such a good time anymore.  Every time your foot brushes up against an underwater twig, you freak out.  You start looking for those rocks and those rapids that surely must be around the next bend.  And you could swear you can make out a rumbling sound of a waterfall way off in the distance.

At this point, all you can think about is getting out of the river.  That warm nurturing feeling is long gone.  You’ve got to be on guard!  The river is a dangerous place.  How could you ever have been so complacent?

Well, you’re not going to be a sucker anymore.  Those rocks aren’t going to get you.  Now you know; the river is your enemy.  It’s out to get you.


You start fighting the current.  You don’t want to go downstream.  It’s not safe.  You need to stay right where you are.  You’ve somehow got to take control of the situation.  Soon you’re exhausted.  Your muscles are getting sore.  It hurts.  But you must keep up the fight.

Fighting off the fear and the panic, angry that you have to even be in this situation in the first place… wanting to give up… this is life and death here.  You know the river is dangerous, because otherwise there would be no reason to fight it.

The fact that you’re tired and worn out proves how precarious your situation is and how dangerous the river is.

Before you realize it, you’ve been fighting this fight for decades.  It’s all you know.  You can’t remember when you weren’t fighting.  You can’t remember what it was like before you heard about how dangerous the river can be.  Now, it’s all about control.  You’ve got to control yourself in this flow.  Your life depends on it.

What happened?

You were going with the natural flow.   Life was an adventure.  True, you didn’t know what was around the next bend… but it didn’t matter.   Because you were in the flow.  You were part of the natural order.  Things were unfolding as they were meant to.

You had no need to control.  Control wasn’t even on the radar screen.  But now, it’s all you can think about.  Control is such a huge part of life that it seems natural.  Most of the time you don’t even realize what you’re doing.

Indeed, most people reading this will say, “I don’t control.”  And they could probably pass a lie detector test. That’s great!  Now, let’s get real.

The very first thing that most people think of when they think about their emotions… is how to control them better.  It’s such an automatic response we don’t even recognize it.


Attempting to control our emotions has become as automatic as blinking our eyes.  However, when you attempt to control, you’re not feeling your feelings.  Oh, you might be feeling something, but it’s not the pure natural flow of emotion that’s constantly and continuously flowing into you.

The Reflexive Action

You know how if someone acts like they’re going to hit you, your arm reflexively shoots up to block them?  That’s an analogy of what it’s like when we block our feelings.  Or, it’s like the feelings are walking up to us, and we have a trap door right in front of us that we open up and woosh! the feelings fall through before they can get to us.

This happens in the blink of an eye.  Over time, this ‘blocking action’ forms walls to keep the feelings from entering our hearts.

And remember, we’re only doing this because we think it’s the way to stay safe.  To be normal and fit in and belong.  To be secure.  So that we can get love.  So we can live a good life.

We’re not blocking our feelings so we can destroy the world.  Quite the contrary.  We think we’re helping.

At some point, though, it starts to unravel.  Blocking your feelings will absolutely lead to some sort of emotional pain.  The problem is, most people believe they just need to redouble their efforts.  Try even harder to not flow downstream.  Which creates even more emotional pain.  More outbursts.  More panic.  More depression.  More anxiety.  More pity.  More judgments.  More stories.  More blockages.  And even more pain.

How do you stop all this?  How do you stop fighting yourself and stop hurting yourself?

It starts with recognizing what’s going on.

We’ve been taught our whole lives that there’s something wrong with having feelings.  It’s been so ingrained… that it seems like common sense.  It’s become an accepted truth.  Even reading these words… and truly wanting to change… I would imagine most people are really looking for a way to ‘handle’ their feelings so they can just feel good and not feel bad.  Because there’s something wrong with those ‘bad’ emotions.

“I want to stop feeling lonely.”  Or “I want to get rid of this anger.”  Or “I want to stop feeling so sad all the time.”

And what I’m saying is that loneliness, anger, and sadness are wonderful experiences.  If – IF – IF – you feel them instead of telling yourself stories about them!

If you want to learn how to feel your feelings, if you want to feel wonderful – to feel wonder… if you want to feel love and joy and ecstasy and enthusiasm and all that stuff… then you also have to be willing to feel anger and fear and sadness and hurt and all that stuff as well.

Because it’s all flowing in the same river.

Every true emotion is a wonderful experience.  You let it flow through you, and you feel uplifted.  But if you block the flow then you don’t feel uplifted.  All you feel is the pain and the struggle.

Let me speak from personal experience.  When you open up to all your feelings, open up to the flow – you stop worrying about what’s going to come up.  Because you know – without a shadow of a doubt – that it’s going to be okay.

It’s going to pass through you.  You’ll feel it as deeply and as sensuously as you can, and then those feelings will pass, and new feelings will come in.  Because the flow of feelings is always on!

So the first thing to do if you want to feel your feelings is to adopt this mindset that whatever I’m feeling is okay.  Actually, it’s more than okay.  It’s the very source of my aliveness.

It’s impossible to have ‘bad’ emotions.  There’s no such thing, really.  There’s just ‘counterproductive’ ways to feel.


Now look, we all have walls up to block our feelings.  We built these walls because we thought we had to.  Maybe at the time, we did have to.  Now, we no longer need those walls.  But it’s not a simple matter of tearing those walls down, because we’ll just build them right back if we don’t change our entire mindset.

To start feeling our feelings more completely, we have to look at our feelings in an entirely new way.

Emotions are more valuable than gold.  And I mean that literally.   It’s not a neat expression.  It’s literally the truth.  Or, it’s my truth, anyway.  And it’s worked very well for me.

So, to start feeling your feelings, first understand the programming that’s going on in this world to get you to not feel, then work on getting a new mindset – my emotions are the most valuable thing I own.  My thoughts and feelings are worth more than gold.

Then, you might want to consider listening to a few meditations I’ve recorded to help you along.  Such as – How To Release Emotions and Remove The Wall Around Your Heart.  I also recorded a new meditation on how to feel and release anger safely.  It’s a way to develop an entirely new relationship with anger.  All this and much more is available on the membership site which you can find out about here.

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Coach
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{ 5 comments }

Nick April 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Thank you Mark. It was I who asked the question. I love the way you use imagery in your posts. It really helps in getting it! One of the best and clearest explanations I’ve heard.

Mark Ivar Myhre April 26, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Hey Nick,

and I appreciate your feedback!

Glittery Abyss April 12, 2013 at 8:45 am

i just stumbled onto your site. Great info here! Here’s my question: how do i know when i’m doing it right? How do i know when i’m feeling my feelings? When lonliness occurs, i don’t feel good. i’m not sure how to be so i can experience it as wonderful. any guidance?

Mark Ivar Myhre April 13, 2013 at 11:05 pm

I do know loneliness! I used to run from it and do anything in the world I could to not feel it. It’s crazy to think about how strongly my fear of feeling my loneliness was.

But the problem wasn’t with feeling it, the problem was all the stories I told myself about it. When I was fully able to open up and embrace the feeling of loneliness, I realized it was just an emotion. ‘Just’…

Yeah, right.

When I feel it, it’s just an emotion.

When I get stuck and twisted around by the stories of loneliness, then it becomes a horrible dark monster threatening to devour me.

I run. It chases me. Not much changes.

When I stop running and embrace it, and let it in – standing tall, standing proud – I surrender myself to the emotion of loneliness without submitting. Without getting lost in the stories.

It sounds like a paradox, and it is.

How do you know when you’re doing it right?

When you love feeling all your feelings – no matter what they are.

In the meantime, use this yardstick:

When you are truly opening up and feeling, then you end up feeling more powerful and it raises your resonance. You feel ‘more’. You feel that you are more for having felt the feeling – whatever it is.

Also, you can tell by whether or not you stay stuck. If you stay stuck, then you can be sure you’re trapped in the story. If you truly feel the loneliness, then it will soon pass through you.

When you feel lonely, you don’t stay lonely.

When you run from loneliness, you stay lonely.

jaideep May 10, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Hey, it is the nice article. It seems you follow the Abraham Hicks. Good to read,that.

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