I’ve already talked about remorse in the last chapter.  You can read about it here -

http://www.emotional-times.com/2010/07/the-good-side-of-shame.html

So what about regret?

It’s common for people to say they have no regrets in life.

Oh, how I used to envy those people!

Cause I lived with a TON of regrets.  My life was one big regret. About what a failure I was, about how I wasted my life being an underachiever, about how I was too scared to even interact with people, about how pathetic I was, about how…  and I could go on and on and on.  And on.

I didn’t understand.  First of all, I didn’t understand how much pain was hidden behind the words of saying “I have no regrets in life.”  How much denial.

I didn’t understand regret was often present in other people, but it usually stayed unrecognized and unacknowledged.

Just say you have no regrets in life as a way to not feel the pain.  Then you don’t have to think about the unresolved past.  Just shut it off instead.  Shut it down.  Don’t think about it.  Don’t feel it.  Deny any sense of regret.

Which wouldn’t be a bad idea if it worked.  Here’s why it doesn’t:

You have a shadow self.

A part of you exists (a part of your soul, really) that could best be described as ‘your shadow’.

Your shadow picks up and holds all the thoughts and feelings you deny.  It saves these energies until you’re ready to deal with them.  It saves all the goodness, truth and beauty you deny.  It holds so much of your beauty.  It also holds all the love and joy and happiness you refuse to feel.  And it holds so much of your power.

Conversely, it also holds the ugly qualities we deny in ourselves.  It holds shame.  It holds pain.  It holds fear.  It holds many other unresolved energies from the past.

“Well great!  Now I don’t have to deal with it!”

Yeah, I’m getting to that…

See, when we have regrets, and don’t feel them, those regrets come at us as ‘the way of the world’.  Whatever we deny and shove down into our shadow comes back at us.  It gets thrust in our faces.  So we can’t deny them. And if we do deny it, then they get shoved in our faces again.  And again.  And again.  Until we take responsibility for them.

How much regret have you stuffed down in those dark dank catacombs that so few have the courage to explore?

***

By the way, you can retrieve your lost courage from your shadow.  You can substantially reduce your fears and anxieties.  And you can also help yourself in ANY area of your life
by going to your shadow.

Just yesterday morning, in fact, my shadow filled me with a beautiful delicate white snow – which represented the energy of renewal and regeneration.  It felt delicious.  I still taste it today.

Your shadow can blow your mind in so many wonderful ways as it heals whatever needs to be healed inside you.

When you’re ready, go to -

http://creative-visualization.com/working-with-your-shadow-meditation.html

***

Getting back to regret… (boy, do I love talking about the shadow!)

I didn’t understand the damage I was doing to myself by living a life of regret.

For one thing, I was always looking in the rear view mirror, instead of keeping my eyes on the road in front of me.

I was living in the past.  Regret does that to a person.

It’s kind of like throwing your money out the window as you travel through life.  I was giving what little power I had to a past that didn’t even exist.  I was already weak.  Regret made me weaker.

Plus, regret opens the door to pity and blame and judgments and all those other energies that separate me from myself, and separate me from my spirituality, and separate me from my SOURCE OF POWER – my emotions.

If that’s not enough, regret also locks in a lack of forgiveness.  Regret keeps me from gathering the ’substance’ of what needs to be forgiven.

And I NEED forgiveness!  I need to feel that raw, powerful energy  – that ineffable energy – if I want to change myself.  If I truly want to grow and heal and change my life – if I want to end the pain, if I want to stop obsessing, if I want to get over the past, if I want to stop REPEATING the past, then I need to tap into the magic of forgiveness.

***

Learn how to forgive yourself by going to -

http://www.forgive-yourself.com

***

I need to re-connect with the gentle healing waters of forgiveness.

Regret can block me from going there.

So what is regret, exactly?

It’s a story about the past that may or not be true, but always shames myself in some way.  Or it shames another.  It’s a way to keep me from feeling my true feelings.  It’s a way to block me from making changes.  But mainly….

Regret distracts me from what’s real.

Now, most regrets are small, and thus create just a little shame.  Other regrets are quite huge.  And can even change the direction of your life.  (Not in a good way!)

Small regrets can be turned into remorse and released.

I can start by looking at my regret, perhaps even writing it out.  (Always a good idea.) In as much detail as I can muster.  Then, I can simply feel the energy behind the story… which would go something like this:

“No matter what I do, I can’t change what happened.  And I am deeply sorry it happened.”

Not so much to TELL yourself those two statements, but to FEEL those two statements.  That’s remorse, in a nutshell.  The feeling of those statements.  (Or something similar – it doesn’t have to be those exact words.)

The key is to FEEL rather than to EXPLAIN or RATIONALIZE or JUSTIFY or EXCUSE.

The feeling is remorse.

The explaining, rationalizing, justifying, excusing; that’s regret.

This illustrates the classic example I’m fond of giving – on the difference between feeling your feelings, versus telling yourself stories about your feelings.

Now, there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling regret.  In fact, that’s often where it starts:

“If only I’d seen what was coming.  If only I hadn’t been so stupid.  If only I’d kept my eyes open.  If only I hadn’t believed what so-and-so said..  If only….”

That’s where it starts.  The big question is:

Now what?

Do I stay stuck here, stuck in the past, stuck thinking the same old thoughts over and over?  For DECADES???

Or do I simply FEEL the energy behind those thoughts?  Be done with it, and move on to bigger and better things.
Tough choice, huh?

You’d think so, just by looking at and listening to others.

We love stories.  Especially when they’re about us.  And ESPECIALLY when they abdicate responsibility.

“Hey if there’s some way – any way – where I don’t have to be responsible for my own thoughts and feelings – I’m all over it.  Like white on rice.”

But that’s only because we tell ourselves stories about responsibility!  We believe in the false version of it, rather than experiencing the true life-changing wonder of REAL responsibility.

***

To end the false responsibility, and start living the wonder, go to -

http://creative-visualization.com/end-self-punishment.html

***

Anyway, if you’re ready to end the stories about some particular regret, it’s fairly straightforward.  Just feel the energy behind the stories. Feel and release them.

(To leave room for the next batch of stories around the next regret that comes up…!)

Speaking of which, regret can become a rather ingrained habit.  Just like blame and pity and so many other bad habits.  By taking the time to write out your regrets, and turning them into remorse, you can work on breaking that habit.

So what about the great big regrets?  The huge, obsessive regrets that suck all our power and energy? What about those?

They may have to be unraveled, one piece at a time.   If you have one great big regret that dominates your life, then you may have to break it apart into many small regrets.

“I hate the way my life has turned out.”

Well, let’s take a closer look.  What do you hate?

“Everything!”

Okay, let’s start by looking at one thing.  What jumps out first?

“I can’t get a loving relationship!”

Why do you suppose you can’t get a loving relationship?

“I don’t know!”

What’s your best guess?

“Because of what my parents did to me – I can never let someone get close to me!”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

And of course, in the above example, you could still break it down some more.

See how it goes?

If you have one BIG regret – you need to break it down.  Find the first layer, and work with that.  Then systematically work through each layer.  That’s how you deal with an overwhelming regret – break it down.

And I realize it’s easy for me to just sit here and say these words!

It’s easier said than done.  But you get the idea:

Chip away at the regrets, piece by piece.

Which really amount to little slivers of shame; shaming yourself.

We’ll be talking a lot more about technique in the upcoming chapters.

Bookmark & Share

But for most people, shame has become a painful prison.  That’s the part I hate.

Before we delve too deeply into shame and all its debilitating effects, I want to say a few words about the good side of shame – the positive shame.

Shame was never meant to be a destructive force.  In fact, it’s essential to developing your true potential as a human being.  You NEED shame to reach your full potential.

Shame is a real emotion.  And like all real emotions, shame has a positive side when felt and expressed and released.  Also, just like every other real emotion, shame has a dark, negative side when it’s NOT felt and expressed and released.

Positive shame goes by the term REMORSE.

Remorse – the positive side of shame.

Here’s why you need remorse:

1. It allows you to make mistakes. It allows you to be human, in other words.  Remember the phrase?

“It’s human to make mistakes.”

Remorse makes it okay to make those mistakes.  You screw up; you feel remorse; you move on.

2. It’s the foundation and the motivation for all forgiveness. If you’ve already got a copy of The Magic Of Forgiveness, then you know remorse stands as an integral step in the forgiveness process.

(And if you don’t have a copy, then stop reading right now, scamper on over to http://www.forgive-yourself.com and get one!)

Wow, that was quick.

Now, as I was saying, you NEED to feel remorse for whatever you’re forgiving.  It’s not the only step, but it’s an essential one.

If you feel no remorse, you won’t truly be able to forgive.  You may go through the motions, but you won’t feel the magic that forgiveness offers.

Without remorse, you’ve got nothing to forgive, and nothing to be forgiven for.

3. It helps you know where you’re prepared in life.

“I thought I had a handle on this, I thought I had my plan together, but it all fell apart.   Guess I wasn’t really prepared after all.”

Remorse lets you know where you stand.

4. It creates the friction that allows you to have wants and needs, and to know what those wants and needs are.

That heat – the uncomfortability, the longing, the frustration – that comes from not getting what you want – that heat will stay painful.  You can get stuck in the pain without the remorse.

Plus, with remorse, you KNOW what you want.

5. It motivates choice and change.

When you see something about yourself you don’t like, it creates a feeling of ‘being ashamed’.

When you don’t take a shower for a week, you’re supposed to be embarrassed to be seen around others.  And out of that embarrassment, you take a shower!

6. It combines with your principles to produce character.

An example of a principle:  “I will tell the truth.”

Your character refers to how well you adhere to that principle.

For example, f I have a principle of telling the truth, but I go around lying to myself and others, then I have no character.

That’s how you define character.  If you’ve already got your copy of Self Esteem Secrets, then you already know all about ideals and principles and character.

(And if you DON’T have a copy, you know what to do…  We’ll wait for you…

http://www.self-esteem-secrets.com )

Wow!  You ARE fast.

Anyway, when you don’t adhere to your principles, you feel remorse.  And out of that remorse, you vow to do better next time.  At least, that’s the idea.

7. It plants the seeds of self-awareness and self-realization; two essential ingredients of your human value.

Self-awareness:  “I have impact.”

Self-realization:  “I can direct my impact.”

The seven parts of human value consist of:

Self-Awareness
Self-Worth
Self-Esteem
Self-Love
Self-Confidence
Self-Respect
Self-Realization

For more information on value and the Valued Self, I refer you to the copy of Self Esteem Secrets you so wisely purchased a minute ago from http://www.self-esteem-secrets.com

Anyway, with remorse, I can build my value.

WithOUT remorse, my value will always be lacking.

In fact, without feeling remorse, I stunt myself in many ways.  Because if I don’t feel remorse, then I feel the negative side of shame instead.

And then:

1.  You’re not allowed to make mistakes. Any time a mistake happens, you beat yourself up.  In fact, for some people, they ARE a mistake.  Or so they believe.

2.  You are not forgivable. Not only for what you’ve done, but for WHO YOU ARE.  You can try to forgive yourself, but don’t expect much in the way of results.

3.  You’re never prepared for life. Instead, you feel isolated and alienated from life.  You feel separate from everything and everybody.  You just try to get through life the best you can.

4.  Your wants and needs become sources of shame. You have to hide and deny them.  I’m too ashamed to admit that I want what every normal person in the world wants.

5.  You can’t change. Everything stays the same.  And change comes only with great effort, or by chance.  But certainly not by choice.  Choices don’t matter to a person riddled with shame.

6.  You have little or no character. Life becomes a series of expedient events.  I do whatever I have to do to get by.

7.  You’re cut off from your own value, and you’re also cut off from any true spirituality. You can say the right words, join with the right people, go to the right meetings, but you can never really experience the juicy value that only comes from knowing you’re loved by your Creator.

Shame separates you. It separates you from yourself.  From being human.  From forgivability.  From being prepared for life.  From your own wants and needs.  From change and choice.  From developing character.  And it separates you from your own value and your own Creator.

Admittedly, these are extreme cases.  For most people, the separation will not be overwhelming.  Plus, we all have our unique relationship with shame.  Some arenas of life produce much greater shame than other areas.

For example, I may feel quite good about forming intimate relationships, but I may be filled with shame when it comes to my ability to have money.   Or I may feel good about making money, but ashamed by the way I spend it all so fast.  Or maybe I’m good at meeting people, but I can’t follow up and stay connected with them.

The successful areas of my life are the areas where I don’t feel the negative shame, but instead I am able to feel remorse.

Remorse brings you closer to success.

But if you’re feeling the negative side of shame, then you won’t be feeling much remorse at all.

In the next installment, we’ll be looking at how all the negative shame started.  But it’s important to understand, shame does have a positive side.

In fact, once you heal the negative shame, you can experience the wonderful feeling of the positive side of shame – remorse.

Bookmark & Share

But isn’t that what it’s all about?

I have no medical background myself, and ironically enough, my therapist doesn’t either.  My therapist is, quite literally, the world I perceive around me.  My therapy comes from feeling and observing the world around me.

Before you dismiss this as just a flowery metaphor (which it is!) let me assure you I am serious.  This is more than a metaphor – much more.

Let me explain.

First of all, I believe – I CHOOSE to believe – that I create my own reality.  When you choose to believe you create your own reality, that opens up a whole new can of worms.

I have to start telling myself the truth.

“I don’t get to blame my problems on you anymore.”

Or if I do, then I know I’m lying to myself.  Either way it kinda sucks.

Cause then I have to be responsible for what happens to me.  I have to accept that I created my mediocre life; or my painful life.  As the case may be.

But what if I start to see everything in my world as just a data stream?  (Which it is.)

If I create my own reality, that means everything I experience is simply a reflection of what I’ve created.

If I have the courage to accept that statement, a whole new world opens up.  Now I don’t have to beat myself up.  I don’t have to blame myself or others.  I don’t have to be a victim.  Unless I want to.

And I can start USING that feedback – that data stream – to help me.

I get to observe the world around me and study it and learn from it.  I can use it to heal and grow and change.  I can become MORE of who I really am, and less of who I’m not.

And isn’t that what therapy is all about?

It’s easy to say the words.  It’s even easy to explain the concept.  But what does it really mean to say I use the world around me as my therapist?

It helps to first know HOW I’m creating my own reality.  Duh.

I need to know what forces and energies come into play.  I need to know what I’m doing that actually results in the creation and manifestation of my life.  I need to know the interplay between my thoughts and feelings, my love, my beliefs, my desires and my imagination.

How do they all work together to create what happens to me?

If I don’t know the basics, then it’s going to be kind of hard to go much further.

That’s why I wrote the e-book on How To Create Your Own Reality – to explain all the basics – the ‘nuts and bolts’ of reality creation.  You can find out more here -

http://www.create-reality.com

Anyway, I next need to know all the reasons why I BLOCK myself from creating things the way I want – which is also covered in the e-book.  (How convenient!)

Next, I need to approach my current reality in the most healthy way possible.

“Hey look, I got problems.  I’m in all sorts of pain.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m overwhelmed, in fact.  And it really looks like the world is ‘doing it to me’ – instead of me doing it to myself.”

“How in the world am I gonna fix all that???”

And I would suggest reframing the entire situation.  Start with a fresh perspective.

Know that you’re going to have to be a warrior.  No two ways about it.  You MUST be a warrior!  But that doesn’t mean you need to start beating people up, or go around ‘on guard’ all the time.

It means you have to be an INNER warrior.

It means you need to go to war with your own limitations.  Stand up to the parts of YOU that aren’t really you. Or rather, they’re ‘lesser’ parts of you.  Such as the ego.

Everybody would benefit from learning about their ego.  It’s fundamental to growing and changing and healing.  That’s why I recorded three audio files on working with your ego:

http://creative-visualization.com/healing-your-ego.html

And it means facing the truth about yourself.  Admitting the games you’re playing and the lies you’re telling yourself.

It means having the courage to stand and face yourself – naked and exposed – vulnerable to yourself.

It means STARTING WHERE YOU ARE.

If that’s in the pit of depression, or the twists of chauvinism and victimhood, or the howl of despair, or the rotten stench of your own morbid fears – then so be it.

Being a warrior means you have the courage to look down at your feet to see where you’re standing.  Not to blame or feel sorry for yourself or to judge yourself – but to simply OBSERVE.

Being a warrior means being your own best friend.  It means KNOWING yourself – and knowing how difficult it is to accept yourself, but you’re going to work on accepting yourself anyway.  Not to excuse or justify or settle, but to use it as a springboard to rise above.

You accept yourself so you can become more of who you really are.

Next, you realize that at first, yes, responsibility sucks.  It’s not fun to admit you created things the way they are.

BUT ONCE YOU DO…

You’ve opened up a whole new world of possibility.

You’ve opened a door.  And you’re letting in a fresh breeze.  It might smell a little bit at first, but that’s only because there’s a little stale air – a little stagnant energy – that needs to be cleaned out.

But the wider you open the door of responsibility, the quicker that stagnant energy can move through you and you can start feeling ‘the good stuff’.

I open the door by opening my heart – full and wide.  As much as I possibly can, I open my heart to WHATEVER I’m confronted with.  Even the hate mail I get.  Even that is a gourmet meal.

In other words, I try my best to FEEL everything I’m confronted with.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the mediocre…  the beautiful.  The love.  The hate.  The anger. The joy. Whatever is happening around me, I try to simply take it in.

Because the more I take it in, the more alive I feel.

The more I open my heart, the more empowered I become.  And it actually creates a FLOW of energy – so I never get stuck.  I never get stuck in my feelings when I open my heart.

I used to have a wall around my heart.  It became a wall of pain and it limited me in many ways.  Once I removed that wall, it was like a breath of fresh air, and my perspective – in fact my whole life – changed.

You can find out more about removing the wall around YOUR heart (if it’s there) by going to -

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page3.htm

So anyway, my therapy consists of opening my heart and feeling the world around me.  And of course, OBSERVING the world around me!

And always keeping it in perspective.

“This is just feedback, Mark.  This is just part of the data stream.”

I’m the one who assigns MEANING to that data stream.

I decide – I GET to decide – what it all means.  Since I understand how I create my own reality, if there’s something I don’t like, then I know how to change it.  Not by manipulating the form (the people and situations and events) but by changing the basic stuff of reality creation.  Like my beliefs and thoughts and many other things.

That’s how I use the world as my therapist.

You can too.

Bookmark & Share

I’ve seen what it does to people – how it ravages their lives.  How it kills their dreams, their motivation and drive, and their very reason to live.

How it can leave them as an empty shell of a human being.  And then they have to hide that emptiness from the world.   And then they die.

People die from shame every single day.

Shame can come in and possess you like a demon.  And then you don’t even know who you are.  It separates you from yourself.  Which leads to loneliness, depression, apathy, anxiety and fear, and rage…  among many other things.

Unfortunately, shame often goes unrecognized and unacknowledged.  Just as fish in the sea can’t really recognize the water, so we too have a hard time seeing what surrounds us.

We see the effects of shame – and we certainly feel the results of it, but the shame itself remains invisible, or at least hazy and nebulous.

I’ve seen what shame has done in my own life.  I can see its effects.  I’ll never forget the gut wrenching pain I went through.  Or the decades I wasted being imprisoned by it.

I wish I could wrap my fingers around shame and choke it – kill it with my bare hands.  Like it almost killed me.  I would if I could, with no remorse.  But I can’t.

Instead, I’m left to write these words.  While shame itself lives on.

At least, for the most part, I’ve conquered my own shame.  But the tiny bit that still remains will never leave as long as I hate it with so much passion.  I keep it ‘alive and well’ with my hate.  Maybe during the course of writing this e-book, I can forgive myself and finally be done with that last one or two percent – for good.

It’s completely up to me.

So what is the nature of shame?  What’s the ‘big picture’ view?

Shame comes down to believing lies about yourself.

Shame is when you believe lies.  You believe them so completely, so thoroughly, so deeply, that you cannot imagine things being any differently.  You cannot imagine a different reality than the current one that’s based on statements that aren’t even true.

That’s the bottom line.

So where do the lies come from?

Shame starts when someone else injects their false stories into you.  It’s like your mother or your father or some other ‘bigger, stronger, smarter’ person takes a hypodermic needle, and gives you a shot of their own painful bullshit.  Because they’re trying to get rid of their own pain.

They inject their lies into you.  And it hurts like hell.

Shame is a transference of emotion.  (Just like salesmanship – which is kind of interesting, if you think about it.)

You’ve been ’sold’.  You were sold a package of lies.  Statements such as -

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not worthy.”

“I’ll never amount to anything.”

“Nobody would ever love me.”

“I can never be seen.”

“There’s something fundamentally wrong with me.”

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Yes, you were ’sold’.  But then, you had to ‘buy’ the lies.  As a child, you really had no choice.  You were a sponge.  And if these God-like creatures told you that you’d never amount to anything, you believed them. You didn’t know any better.

But you’re not a child anymore.  So now we come to the really insidious part of shame.  You have to keep it alive inside yourself by continuously repeating the lies.  Cause if you stopped, the shame would end.

Negativity is weak and dumb and boring and repetitive.  It’s not intricate or involved.  It’s not even clever.  It’s dumb as a box of rocks.  Most of the time, it doesn’t even make sense.

The problem is, though, shame becomes too much a part of a person’s identity.

“I don’t know who I’d be if I gave up my shame.”

We don’t think that thought; instead we live our lives out of it.  Just like a fish doesn’t think about the water.

I’m trapped between the pain and the fear.  The pain of the shame, on one hand, and the fear of the loss of my identity on the other hand.  The pain usually wins out.  I say I hate it – I hate the shame and the pain it causes, but on the other hand, I’m too scared of living a life without it.

The shame is all I know.

If I ended the shame, it would leave a big gap in my identity.  There would be a gaping hole if I pulled this painful tooth.  That scares me.  I think I’ll distract myself from even considering I could truly live a life without shame.  I’ll burrow a little deeper into my poisons and prisons.  I’ll go back to sleep.  I’ll deal with it tomorrow.

That’s the problem.

The simple answer is to just stop believing the lies.  But it’s not that simple, is it?  Maybe you’ve already tried to distance yourself from your shame.  And you found out ending shame isn’t simple.

It’s easy to describe the problem.  But ending it, well, that takes a lot of work.  Most people don’t have what it takes to end their shame.  They’ll live an empty, meaningless life, and then they’ll die from their own shame.  Like choking to death from their own excrement.

I don’t want that to happen to you.  That’s why I’m writing this e-book.

I’m starting to understand how wonderful life can be.  The joy, the fun, the sheer ecstasy of waking up in the morning and not suffering from shame; that’s priceless.  And not only do you feel great, but you see the world so much more clearly.  You see the shame in others.  Also, you feel the love.  You feel life the way it was MEANT to be.

Life becomes fun – the way it’s supposed to be.

And you find that gaping hole fills immediately with more of ‘you’.  You don’t really lose your identity.  You gain it.  You get back yourself.  You reunite with yourself.

You become more of who you really are.  Then, all the loneliness, the pain, the anxiety, even the depression, can lift like a morning fog.  Or at least it can lift with a minimum of effort.   It happened to me.  And it’s happening to many others as you read these words.

I’ll tell you everything you need to know about shame.  And then some!

You’ll learn exactly how to end it.  If you have the courage to risk losing a part of your current identity, then you CAN end shame.  Or at least, the negative shame.  Because as you’ll soon see, shame has a positive side that’s rarely discussed.

You NEED that positive side.  That’s why shame exists on this planet.  Do you know what it is?  I mentioned it briefly already.

We’ll look at it more closely in the next chapter.

In the meantime, if you’d like some personal help with this, or any other emotional issue, sign up for a private consultation by going to -

http://www.join-the-fun.com/consult-with-me.html

all the best,

Mark

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard

PS – In case you missed it, here’s that last e-book, on ending self-punishment -

http://www.ivar.info/SelfPunishment.pdf

Bookmark & Share

Usually, it’s one you’ve been dealing with for decades.

It’s happened to me on more than one occasion.

Maybe the problem becomes a huge ugly prison with painful walls that surround me.

But – stubborn as I am – I keep whittling away at it.  And maybe I get it down to a manageable size, so I can visualize myself holding it in my hand.  In fact, often times my goal is to be able to sense it as the size of a grapefruit that I can hold in one hand.  And then…

***

Have you heard the story about how they catch monkeys in India?  (Or wherever monkeys grow.)

They take a big heavy bottle with a small opening at the top, and drop some candy or food into it.  The monkey sees the treat, reaches his hand in, but because he’s made a fist, he can’t get his hand out without letting go of the food.

As the story goes, the monkey just can’t seem to let go of the food, and he’s stuck. Even when he’s facing eminent danger, he can’t bring himself to open his fist so he can escape.

***

I don’t know if the story is true or not, but that’s how I feel sometimes. I do all this work to shrink my problem, but I just can’t take it that last little bit – to completely end it.

So the problem will be just as present in my life as if I’d done nothing at all to heal it.  THAT’S FRUSTRATING.

I just can’t let it go. It’s like that grapefruit has grown into my hand.  They have merged into one.

(“Ah yes… sensing the oneness of it all,” he said sarcastically.)

Why I can’t seem to let the problem go:

• Maybe the problem has become too much of my identity.  If I let it go, then who will I be?

• Or maybe I’m getting too much of my value from it.  I derive meaning and significance in my life from the constant struggle – going back and forth – playing tug of war with my problem.  And I NEED value!

• Or perhaps I still have some hidden payoff.  Like a thief hiding in the bushes.  I secretly want to avoid being powerful or responsible or intimate with myself…

or it could be any number of other covert reasons.

Anyway, when I’m sensing the oneness of it all (sarcastically speaking) that’s when I have to turn to my ace in the hole.

Oh, I don’t WANT to – not at all.  But I didn’t come into this life to be thwarted by ANY problem.

And that’s when I have to pull out my ace.

It’s my last resort.  When I’m stuck and I can’t go any further, no matter what I do.

That’s when I turn to a Higher Power.

Because when it comes right down to it,  I’m really just one ant in an anthill.  The problem I obsess over – the one that seems so big and important and so PRESENT in my life… well, in the grand scheme of things…

I matter. I know that.  And I can always ask for help.  I know that too.  But it always seems to be a last resort.  When nothing else works.

I guess it’s that stubbornness – I ‘have’ to solve my own problems.

“I don’t need any help!”

What a joke.  But the joke’s on me.  Sometimes it’s stupid to not ask for help.  If I’ve worked so hard to get my problem down to size, and it will shrink no further, and it’s still a problem no matter what I do…

wouldn’t it be dumb to NOT ask a Higher Power for help?

It’s like a little kid refusing to receive a beautiful shiny new bicycle for Christmas.

Honestly, I’ve been that stupid before.  All I can do now is look back and shake my head.

And say, “What was I THINKING??”

Ah, but that’s what forgiveness is for.  So I can learn from my stupidity, and hopefully not keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.

There’s a lot of hidden dynamics to a problem that won’t seem to end.

Sometimes you’ll never know all the little details – and how they fit together to frustrate you.  And thwart your best efforts.

Fortunately, there’s always that ace in the hole.  That dirty grapefruit I’ve been holding – the one that’s merged with the palm of my hand – I can ask for help to release it.

Sometimes a miracle happens. And it truly is lifted and it ends; either in an instant, or in a few days.

Other times I guess I’m just not really ready to let it go.  So I go back to work, processing and programming and trying again.  Maybe there’s some hidden treasure locked up in the problem.

But I NEVER say -

• This is what I deserve.

• This is my lot in life.

• I’m destined to suffer this problem till the day I die.

Because I know that’s always coming from my ego, or some other ‘lesser’ part of me that does NOT have my best interest at heart.

Even if I was born with this problem, it is never my destiny to suffer or struggle. It’s never what I ‘deserve’.  Quite the opposite.  If the problem came in with me at birth, all the more reason why I came here to END it.

Or at the very least, MAKE MY PEACE WITH IT.

And all the more reason to ask for help.

Especially from a Higher Power.

And if I ask for the problem to be lifted, and if nothing happens, then I always come back with asking for the UNDERSTANDING of the problem.

In fact, I find myself asking for understanding more than anything else.  Because I’m usually even more willing to understand  than I am to actually end the problem.

So determine what you’re willing to have – and ask for that. Ask for what you’re willing to have.

That’s what I do.  That’s my ace in the hole.

Bookmark & Share

I put these up to remind you – anything is possible.

Norbert Rosing’s striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon
tethered sled dogs in the wilds of Canada ’s Hudson Bay.

This could get ugly. You can see the dogs barking.

What's the bear doing with its paw?

All of a sudden they're friends.

They're playing around. Don't try this at home.

Even polar bears need a good hug every now and then. Again, don't try this at home.

Did they mate? Or are they 'just friends'?

The photographer reports the polar bear returned every night for a week to play with the dogs.

It just goes to show you – anything can happen in this world.

So you may as well THING BIG.

I’ll still keep my distance from polar bears, though.  Just in case.

Bookmark & Share

But it’s been years since I’ve felt depression, or the mania that comes with it.  And I know I’ll not be feeling it any more. If by some chance mania or depression were to show up, it would not last a day.

Am I arrogant?  Or stupid?  Perhaps.  Or maybe I know something….

See,  I said I was manic depressive, but more clearly stated, a PART of me is manic depressive.  It’s not ALL of me, just a part of me.

I have many parts to my consciousness.  I have an ego, an inner child, an inner adolescent,  an inner victim, a martyr, a shame-based ‘Broken Man’, a beast of rage, a ‘limp guy’, an inner outlaw, an inner addict, a ‘negative guy’….  the list goes on and on.

But I also have many positive parts of my consciousness as well.  I have a Dreamer, a future self, a miracle maker, a magical child, a soul, a spirit, a Truer Self, a Sacred Self,  a Valued Self, a Loving Self… again, the list goes on and on.

Therefore, the bipolar guy – the Maniac (as I call him) – is really only one small part of my consciousness.

Now, he used to be a very BIG part of my life.  Most of my life, I functioned as a combination of the Maniac, the Broken Man, the inner victim, the ego, and the inner child.  With a few other parts thrown in, just for good measure.

They were driving my life.  I spent my time in the back seat, scared out of my mind, because I never knew what they would pull next.  I truly was helpless and powerless, and life was no fun.

Then I discovered the ‘emotional wellspring’.  I found out that thoughts AND feelings were constantly flowing into me.   And I found out that was the very source of my power.

Eventually I came to understand all the ways I’d been manipulating my feelings, in a failed attempt to simply feel better.  I understood the source of all emotional pain comes from restricting that natural flow of feelings.

But here’s the kicker:

Those feelings have to go somewhere.  If I deny them, if I refused to feel them myself, then some other part of me will be taking that flow.  If I refuse to be powerful, then some other part of me will claim that power.  If I won’t drive my life, then some other part of me will HAVE to.

And it will never be the positive, expansive, ‘more’ parts of me, such as the Empowered Self, the soul or the spirit.  Because they love me too much to do something like that.

So, because some part of me must take in that energy, that leaves only the wayward, ‘lesser’ parts of me.  In a sense, it’s not like my ego or Maniac has elbowed me out of the way in a mad grab for power.  Rather, I hid behind my inner child, my inner victim, and whatever other parts I’ve thrust out in front of me.

Some of those parts of me got to liking that control, though, and they ended up huddled around that emotional wellspring lapping up MY flow of feelings.  And I lose the sense of who I am.

I don’t know who I am anymore.  Am I a Broken Man?  Am I a Maniac?  Am I a victim?

Or a child?  Or a crazy, deranged ego?  I don’t know.

All I know is that I’m completely out of control.  Helpless… a victim, at the mercy and the whims of forces I don’t understand.

I don’t see the pack of hyenas circled around MY emotional wellspring.  Taking MY power and feeling what should be MY feelings.  I become like a scared child, where the world seems so big and overwhelming.

And I lose a sense of who I am, because at any time, I could be wearing the ‘mental constructs’ of a victim, or a martyr, or a beast of rage…  It’s like I wear the mental constructs of these parts of me just like I put on a certain outfit or suit of clothes.  But I don’t know how to take the clothes off at the end of the day.

And that’s the problem.  I think I’m stuck in my feelings, but really I’m stuck in the clothes of a martyr or a Maniac or an ego or an inner child.  I’m stuck in THEIR feelings.  It’s like a big bulky space suit I can’t seem to remove.  It surrounds me.  I feel trapped.

So if you find yourself in this situation, what in the world can you DO about it?

First, get a sense of the big picture.  Get a sense of what’s happened to you.  Understand how you’ve given away your power to these ‘lesser’ parts of you.

And keep in mind, this didn’t start last Tuesday.  No, patterns like this start at a very early age, when you really had little choice because you were most likely just TRYING TO SURVIVE.

When you’re hurting, you reach for any tool you have.  As a child, you have very few tools available to you.  Letting the ego run your life seems like a very efficient, workable solution to the pain.

“I can’t deal with my life, I can’t deal with this pain.”

So I’ll retreat, and let my ego take over.

That’s one possible scenario.  The bottom line is, the pattern becomes very ingrained.  To begin the healing and changing of this pattern, first really let it in.  Let these words really sink in.

“I’m not bad and wrong, I’ve just developed patterns that leave me powerless.”

Think about your own life, and what aspects of your consciousness have been running the show up till now.

Then work on taking your power back from those aspects.  It’s YOUR power.

You won’t heal it in a day, but you can START today.

I’ll probably be writing more about this in the future, but in the meantime, if you’d like to talk to me privately about this, I’m available for personal consultations.  For more information, go to -

http://www.join-the-fun.com/consult-with-me.html

Bookmark & Share

“In terms of obtaining emotional wellness, I get overwhelmed
with all the information available. I wish there was a guide
that was simple and step-by-step that would be a road map
to emotional well-being.

“This seminar, this course, this therapy, this pill, it is too
much; I call it information overload. Anyway, if you have
something you recommend, it is appreciated. Again, thank
you for the work that you do. You make a difference it
people’s lives.”

So where do you begin?

One thing to keep in mind – everyone is different and we each have distinct blockages that keep us from emotional wellness. We have our unique problems. We have our own individual demons. And what I need to feel better may not be what you need. What helps me may not help you. The seminar or course or book that I loved may mean nothing at all to you. And vice versa. What you love, I may be apathetic towards.

The second thing to remember – life is not simple. It’s very complex, in fact. Emotional problems and issues often seem a complicated mess. With good reason. They usually are!

What I teach involves unraveling and ‘breaking apart’ the big problem into many small, manageable parts. Because when a problem stays ’simple’ – it often becomes too big to get a handle on it. When you can’t get a handle on it, then it becomes overwhelming. When it becomes overwhelming, then you retreat. At this stage, when you retreat, then drugs seem more and more appealing.

So I don’t advise seeking the simple answer for these two reasons:

1. We’re all unique.

2. Emotional problems are complex. They need to be broken apart so you can deal with the parts one at a time.

Instead, I’d suggest working on your foundation. Your foundation includes a few dozen different energies that all interplay and intertwine with each other. Such as your attitudes, your beliefs, your degree of self-acceptance, your willingness, and so on.

But to START the work of strengthening your foundation, you can work with only two:

1. Your thoughts.

2. Your feelings.

(Now there’s a little simplicity for you!)

I’m going to assume you’ve read the Emotional Healing Quick Start Guide and you’re developing a new attitude – in fact, a whole new outlook – towards your emotions:

Emotions are why you live and emotions are why you die.

Emotions are the source of your power.

And yet, when misused, emotions can kill you.

Many, if not most, people in the world die a slow death from the pain of an unhealthy relationship with their emotions.

I don’t want that to happen to you.

So I always say, start by processing your thoughts and feelings. Get some cheap paper and a pen and start writing – furiously – whatever comes out. Whatever pops up. Write and write and write.

It’s the best way I know of to start developing a healthier relationship with your emotions.

But it forces you to think. And it forces you to feel. Many people don’t like that. Many people prefer to distance themselves as much as possible from what’s going on inside. Which leads to pain.

When I first started, I bought an expensive journal from the bookstore. Got a fancy pen. Wrote maybe one paragraph. Stopped. Never wrote anything else. Eventually lost the journal.

I didn’t want to bleed all over those nice white pages. I preferred to keep the pain inside. And I concluded writing out my thoughts and feelings wasn’t such a great idea after all.

That was in 1973. It took me twelve years to return to this deceptively easy but highly effective technique of self improvement. I dabbled with it for a year or two, then stopped again. I just wasn’t willing to dig deep into myself. I didn’t see the VALUE in processing.

And I still saw emotions as the enemy; as an adversary; something to avoid at all costs.

It would be another ten years before I got serious with my processing. Something clicked inside my head. I guess I finally got fed up with the constant pain. And I couldn’t find anything else that really worked.

Oh, I tried plenty of other stuff. But slick advertising does not a worthy product make. I was suckered time and again by well written ads that promised to improve my life.

“Just get up on the log… we’ll push you off.”

I’d be crazy not to buy their products. Push-button solutions. No effort on my part. No accountability. And certainly no delving into my own pain. Just surgically remove it for $19.95. No responsibility required.

I was a sucker.

I wasted so much time looking for a shortcut. I endured over two decades of emotional pain that could’ve been avoided. If only I’d had the courage to look at myself right from the beginning…. rather than trying to make some product or some other person responsible for my life.

Often times when people write me asking for help with their problems, I’ll tell them to write me all the details. Get back with me with a ‘fleshed-out’ version of exactly what their problem is.

Over half the time they never write back. So in those cases, I know they’re more interested in perpetuating the pity (or whatever else it there) rather than actually solving the problem.

Which is alright.

Everyone has the right to feel sorry for themselves. It punishes those who love you; and whoever loves you the most gets punished the most; but still, you have that right.

But what about those who do write back?

Sometimes something magical happens. If they’re sincere about wanting to improve their condition – and they do write out all the details to me – they might end up telling me they feel better just by fully ‘dimensionalizing’ the problem:

Giving it height, width, depth. Giving it dimension.

Exploring the dimensions of a problem can magically heal it.

CAN. Not WILL. But the potential is very real for healing just by doing that simple exercise.

When you want to stay in pity, however, NO WAY are you going to dimensionalize your problem. No way you’ll break it apart and analyze it and feel the feelings hiding behind and attached to your problem.

Nope, it’ll just stay an overwhelming blob of amorphous energy.

As always, the choice is up to you.

So to sum it up: I’d say no matter what the problem is, the first step involves turning to the greatest tool of self improvement – your trusty pen and cheap paper.

Even if you’ve bought – or are considering buying – some product I sell; I’d still say your best bet is to process out your situation.

My three best sellers – Forgive Yourself, Reduce Fear, and Create Your Own Reality – each provides detailed instructions on how to process. (Each with their own unique twist, depending on whether you’re trying to forgive, working to reduce fear, or choosing to create your own reality.)

But the underlying energy and purpose in each case remains the same:

To think and feel as much as you can about the problem or situation – without the pity or judgments.

And to take back your power from what’s bugging you.

Remember, the choice is always up to you.

Bookmark & Share

There are endless ways to give your power away, but the end result is always the same. Namely, you end up powerless and frustrated and resentful; and usually end up blaming someone or something for your predicament. Sometimes you blame yourself.

Because the problem is so pervasive and so common, I’m willing to bet you’ve given a good bit of your power away right now – today – to some outside force that’s out of your control.

It could be your spouse or other loved one, since we often project onto those closest to us.

It could be a co-worker, a boss, or a neighbor. Or a casual acquaintance you can’t stop thinking about.

It could be your job or some other activity you engage in.

Or it could be worldly events you only read about or watch on the news.

It could be a problem inside – a personal problem no one else even knows about. It could be depression or anxiety or shame or self pity or judgments.

Basically, it could be ANYthing.

But I’m willing to bet it’s something.

Because we all do it. Heck, I do it myself all the time. And I KNOW about this stuff! I still have to catch myself and say, “Mark! What are DOING?!!”

And it’s robbing me.

When I give my power away, it’s like I’m opening up my wallet and throwing money away.

Now, no one else is USING my power. No one’s using it against me. No one even CAN use it, unless I let them. So it’s not like I’m in danger from others when I give them my power.

Nope, it’s just wasted. Which is bad enough.

Because I’ve got things I want to do; goals I want to accomplish. Shoot, I’ve got chores to do around the house! I NEED my power.

And it frustrates the heck out of me when I catch myself giving my power away.

When I spend too much time thinking and feeling about something…

When I blame ANY body or ANY thing…

When I say I can’t do something…

When I say I can’t change until ’such-and-such’ happens…

Then I’m giving my power away.

And these are just a few of many, many examples of how we give our power away.

Okay, enough about the problem. What’s the solution?

Well, just being aware of all this can help. Why not stop for a minute right now and think about what’s bugging you, what’s keeping you up at night, what’s CAPTURED your attention?

Perhaps you’ve never given any thought to the fact you’re giving your power away to this object of your focus, but you are. And that’s NOT an indictment against you! It’s merely an observation.

See, if you can just change your perspective a little bit, you might be able to shed some new light on this issue.

Take a good hard look at HOW you’re giving your power away to this circumstance or person. Do you blame them? Are you waiting for them to change before you can change? Do you feel helpless… out of control?

The first step is to look at the ‘how’ – the specific steps or thoughts or actions you’re doing that cause your power to leak away. And admit it to yourself. Not to beat yourself up, but to honestly look at what you’re doing.

Remember, EVERY one is doing this!

It’s not just me and you.

But you and I may be the only ones to actually DO something about it. (Hey, somebody’s got to take the lead.)

So the first step is to simply hold your thoughts and feelings and actions up to the light of day. Don’t sweep what you’re doing under the rug. Be an adult. Tell yourself the truth.

Once you’ve got a handle on what you’re doing to give your power away, then you want to sit down and work on taking your power BACK. And believe me, if you could give it away, then you can take it back!

You take your power back by deliberately intending to. Find a quiet time and place when you can be with yourself. Focus on your problem or issue. Visualize it as vividly as you can. Create an image.

Now you want to encapsulate your image. Meaning, see it as ’small and manageable’. I would suggest shrinking it down to the size of a basketball or baseball. Something you could hold in your hands.

See yourself holding this image in your hands. Sense its energy. FEEL it as fully and completely as you can.

Now, forcefully say “I TAKE MY POWER BACK FROM YOU” or some similar phrase. And imagine an unseen (or even seen, for that matter) energy moving from the image into you.

That’s basically it. You may need to repeat the exercise for maximum effectiveness.

Now, is this going to end the problem? Usually not, although it is possible. Most likely, though, it will give you a new perspective, a new attitude, a new sense of what to do.

It empowers you so you’re better equipped to handle the problem. It helps you see options and solutions that were hidden from view when you had given your power away.

It can also be a very liberating experience.

The next step involves taking a ‘power reading’ of where you’re at RIGHT NOW. And I’ll be speaking a lot more about that later. It’s a wonderfully simple technique I’ve recorded onto an audio file.

(Warning: Get ready for a sales pitch here…!)

It’s one small part of the complete audio program I’ve put together, based on the e-book How To Create Your Own Reality. I’ve recorded over SIX HOURS of life-changing information onto 26 audio files, that can either be downloaded or streamed from the internet.

At first, I thought I would simply read and record the e-book, but once I started I realized I’ve learned quite a bit since I last edited the e-book, and so this is like a whole NEW edition.

I’ve recorded quite a bit of new information I’ve never talked about before, and as far as I know, no one else has ever talked about it either.

It’s almost ready, and if you’ve already ordered a copy of the e-book, then you’ll have the opportunity to buy these audio files for ONE dollar each.

The few people who’ve listened to these audio files LOVED them. I think you will too.

I’ll keep you posted as to when they’re available.

Bookmark & Share

“I’m not able to feel the emotions and consume them
like you depict. Could you give me some more insight
into how to do this??
I can feel so numb that it is enormous effort to bring
up emotion to feel and amplify it. When I do, it takes
all my concentration to blot out my thoughts just to
keep the feeling there for a few seconds before it
sinks right back down.”

I had planned on writing a simple response, but then I realized maybe you have the same (or similar) problem, so I decided to really look at this in a systematic, methodical way, to see what I could come up with.

I was shocked because of what I found.

First, because I found so many blockages inside myself, and second because I worked out such a great way to get rid of those blockages – no matter what area of my life they were in. (Note: I’ve only tried this on a couple of blockages, but I assume they’ll work for all kinds of blockages.)

You can use this info to remove blockages to love, intimacy, caring, gratitude, success, even blockages to making more money or finding the person of your dreams.

Before I reveal what I learned, I’d like to point out you don’t need to ‘amplify’ your feelings. You just want to feel what’s naturally there. (We’re already amplifying them. That’s part of the problem for many people!)

Anyway, what we’re talking about here is a blockage to feeling your feelings.

Almost all people have blockages to feeling emotions intensely, and others have blockages to feeling almost ANYthing at all.

And we also have blockages in other areas of our lives as well. So what you learn here today could apply to such things as creating a loving relationship or making more money (two common blockages.)

I always say to begin any problem by looking at your payoffs. A payoff is what you REALLY want, rather than what you often will SAY you want.

Self pity, blame, righteousness and manipulation are some common payoffs.

Here’s an example:

“I want to punish myself so severely with the slim hope
that some of the sweat from my pain and suffering will
roll off my back and somehow miraculously land near my
mother’s feet.”

Or:

“It’s never too early in the morning to blame someone
for SOMEthing.”

It sounds funny when you say it like that, but almost every human engages in one payoff or another. I cover them all, and what to do about them, in great detail in the ebook, How To Create Your Own Reality.

But lets say you truly do want to feel your feelings. You don’t see any one of those payoffs; you just want to experience a richer, fuller, more complete life.

You’re sick of missing out on all the complexity and depth – even the greater personal power – that comes with a healthier relationship with your emotions.

And yet, no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to feel what I talk about; the promise of emotional depth.

That’s when you know you have a blockage.

A blockage consists of beliefs and the other five raw materials of life that I cover completely in How To Create Your Own Reality. It’s a big tangled mess – like a huge dark chunk – or mass – held together by your own energy.

You created the blockage a long time ago as a way to keep out the pain. Generally, it’s the pain of childhood.

But now it’s become a SOURCE of pain.

Your own raw materials – your beliefs, attitudes, and so forth – have formed a blockage in your Emotional Wellspring.

And now you’ve been shut off from your own feelings. That’s what happens when you can’t feel your feelings.

If that were the only problem then it wouldn’t be so bad, because you could get to work on that blockage to end it. But we also develop a secondary blockage that keeps us from even engaging our main blockage!

See, if you could ‘get up close and personal’ with the blockage, you could begin the process of understanding and unraveling it. But because the blockage is painful – and we want to avoid pain at all costs – we actually develop a secondary blockage that keeps us from ever getting close to the source of the problem.

All we know is that we can’t feel much. Or if we do, then it’s too painful too much of the time.

The key to this mess involves first working with your secondary blockage. While you may have many different primary blockages – such as to love, intimacy, intensity, relationships, success, gratitude, etc. – each with their own unique sets of beliefs (and other raw materials) – you basically have only one secondary blockage.

That’s good news. Cause if you get rid of this secondary blockage, then you can systematically deal with each one of your primary blockages, if you choose.

So what is this secondary blockage?

Maybe it consists of imaginary fear.

(You can learn more about imaginary fear and how to end it by sending a blank email to fearintro@getresponse.com)

Anyway – I’ve got these primary blockages that pretty much set the boundaries of my life – but I’m afraid to even get next to them – so I can work with ‘em and change ‘em.

But more importantly, I don’t know what to do or where to begin.

Ironically, while you may have intense fears in your primary blockages, this secondary one has simply been unknown. The fear itself usually isn’t that intense. It’s simply a matter of avoiding the unknown.

So the first step involves ending this secondary blockage.

And you do it by your WILLINGNESS. Be willing. Be willing to face up to your main blockage.

Maybe you already are. Maybe it seems unnecessary. Like it doesn’t matter.

Here’s why it matters:

Your willingness always leads the way, regardless of what you want to accomplish. You must first be willing.

Then you choose.

THEN comes the ability.

It always starts with willingness. In this case, you must be willing to face up to the source of fear and pain; your blockage.

In life, you do and have and be what you are WILLING to do and have and be.

If you were truly willing, you’d probably already be working to overcome your blockage to emotions.

OR… maybe you’ve simply never declared your willingness:

I AM WILLING TO FACE MY BLOCKAGE TO FEELING MY FEELINGS.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO FACE AND END MY BLOCKAGE TO FEELING MY EMOTIONS.

I GIVE MYSELF THE AUTHORITY TO FACE AND END MY BLOCKAGE TO FEELING MY EMOTIONS.

Why is it important to make these statements of willingness, permission and authority?

Keep in mind there are unknown forces at work here. There’s a lot more going on inside you than meets the eye.

It’s critical you make these affirmations – these declarations – either out loud or internally. Maybe numerous times over the next few days or weeks.

Or maybe you only need to say them once.

Either way, an ‘internal barrier’ must be broken. Otherwise, you’ll likely continue to go around in circles or stay lost in a maze or a fog.

Making these statements – with as much emotional intensity and determination as you can muster – helps you break free.

Once you’ve stepped through this secondary blockage (by your INTENTION) then it’s time to get down to business; by finding and working to end your blockage to emotions and/or emotional intensity.

Most likely your emotional blockage started at an early age; before you were 5 years old. When your subconscious mind was running the show.

And now, the core – or the root – of your blockage exists in your subconscious mind.

You can’t talk your way out of your blockage because your subconscious mind doesn’t work that way.

As you might suspect, the subconscious is the main ‘unknown force’ I spoke of a minute ago. It can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy.

It functions behind the scenes as a supercomputer, that basically runs your bodily functions, sets the patterns for your life, and follows YOUR programming.

The problem is, once the programs are set, they don’t change. Unless you know how to work with it – in IT’S language and on IT’S terms.

While I have a specific meditation that takes you to actually meet and work with your subconscious mind (as a recorded audio file you can listen to over and over) that I offer as a free bonus when you order the ebook How To Create Your Own Reality…

…here’s a few tips you can also use:

You want to find the times when your subconscious mind is paying attention to what you’re doing, then speak to it in a language it understands.

You move closer to your subconscious when you daydream, when you focus on your breath, and when you first wake up or are about to fall asleep. Or when you engage in some type of meditation.

These times offer perhaps the best opportunities to work with your subconscious, because you are altering your state of consciousness to one degree or another.

I would suggest combining all 4 of these somewhat. (Most every night before I go to sleep, I always work with either my subconscious or some other part of me. Believe me, I’ve always got something to work on!)

Removing Your Blockages

So now let me tell you how I’ve worked through some of my own blockages:

Find a comfortable position and begin to relax your body. Also, focus on your breath – so that you’re breathing slowly and deeply. It will help to relax you, and it also gets the attention of your subconscious mind since your subconscious usually controls your breathing for you.

Once you’re relaxed, you can either count from 5 to 1 with the INTENTION of entering an altered state at the count of 1; or you can simply start to daydream.

If you did have an emotional blockage – what would it look like? Let your imagination go; don’t try to force it – don’t try to control it – just let an image appear.

For me, it looks like a huge boulder maybe 10 feet high and 10 feet wide. But it could just as well be a tree, a fire, the sheer wall of a cliff; or a cloud or mist or fog. Or it could be some sort of vague nebulous energy. Or, I suppose, it could even be some sort of wild beast.

Let it be what it is. Let your subconscious show you your blockage. It could be a wall of stone or a tangled mess of thorns and briers. Let it be what it is.

It may be hazy or it may be crystal-clear. And it could appear as different images for different types of blockages.

By the way, this is similar to The Wall meditation, where I show you how to remove the wall that surrounds your heart.

The wall around your heart is one type of blockage that prevents you from feeling the DEPTH of your emotions. Once removed, it frees up a lot of emotional pain and blocked emotional energy. It also puts you in closer contact with your own heart.

The Wall meditation is also useful for showing you the exact process for entering an altered state of consciousness — to communicate more effectively with your subconscious mind.

You can find out more about it by going to –

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page2.htm

Or to –

http://www.healing-emotional-pain.com/page3.htm

Anyway, the goal here is to find and visualize your blockage. It may not come right away, but it will come if you relax and give it time.

Once you’ve found it, begin to study it’s features. What color is it? What shape? How big? And why do you suppose it looks the way it does?

Spend the time to understand your blockage.

Next, (once you’re bored with just looking at it!) then move closer and closer until you can reach out and touch it. Feel the texture. Feel the warmth or coldness.

Place both hands firmly onto it.

You want to be as intimate with your blockage as you possibly can.

Once you’re ready, reach out and break off a piece of it. Hold it in your hands. Feel it’s energy. Feel it’s pain.

Now imagine yourself putting the piece into your heart.

Notice any feelings that come up.

Since blockages often form in childhood, you may sense or feel or hear or see images from your early years. You may sense particular incidents from childhood; painful episodes that helped trigger or build your blockage.

Remember, blockages form as a way to not feel pain; so the memories that come up won’t be pleasant. But neither will they be overwhelming.

You’re no longer a child; you’re a grownup. The three-foot wave that sends a child tumbling has much less impact on you now. You can stand up to it.

After you’ve broken off and absorbed that first piece, then break off a second one. You may find an entirely new set of feelings and memories with this second piece.

Hold the second piece, feeling and sensing what you can. Then place it into your heart like you did with the first one.

And give yourself PERMISSION to FEEL the memories. Be willing. Perhaps state it – either out loud or loudly inside:

I AM WILLING TO FEEL THE MEMORIES LOCKED IN MY BLOCKAGE.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL THE ENERGY INSIDE MY BLOCKAGE.

I GIVE MYSELF THE AUTHORITY TO FEEL MY BLOCKAGE.

You don’t have to use those exact words. Just say whatever makes the most sense. And keep in mind you’re doing this for the benefit of your subconscious mind as much as for yourself.

After you’ve absorbed this second piece, systematically go through the entire blockage this way – piece by piece.

You should get a pretty good idea of when and where and how the blockage formed. If not; if you really don’t sense much or feel much or experience much of anything at all – then most likely you’re still blocking yourself from feeling the blockage.

You may need to start over from the beginning. And let it be OKAY that you need to start over! Don’t make it an excuse to beat yourself up! Some people absolutely will need to do this numerous times, no matter how badly they want it or how correctly they practice it. It just depends on how strong the blockage is, how much pain is in there, and various other factors as well.

Anyway, if you do start over, pay close attention to what you are TRULY WILLING to do.

As you say the words,”I am willing…” notice how it feels. Does it ring true? Or do you know deep inside you really aren’t willing?

With a little practice you should find the limits of your willingness.

Wherever the willingness stops – that’s where you need to focus your efforts.

That’s where your payoff lies.

Incidentally, you’ll often find snippets of your payoffs in the pieces of your blockage. Because even though the blockage exists in your subconscious mind, it’s often connected to your payoffs, which are a product of your conscious mind.

That’s why blockages are such a tangled mess; because they’re made up of both subconscious and conscious components. And why they take time to heal.

But the more you practice this technique of finding and sensing and absorbing and feeling your blockage, the sooner you can end it.

And once you reach the other side of your blockage, you’ll find a greater freedom that can propel you to a whole new level of being.

That’s why it’s worth working on.

Bookmark & Share